yet public policy and social institutions often prevent them from being the dads they want to be
This is what I struggle with. Anytime I do something in public with my daughter, without my wife, I get awkward looks. It doesn’t bring me down or stop me from spending time with my daughter but like…wtf? What would you have me do? Deny my daughter a trip to the park because Mom isn’t available to go?
It’s getting better each year, as more dads are more involved in their families. Had a conversation at work not too long ago where a gen X guy thought it was weird that a millennial dad wouldn’t go to the bar after work because he wanted to spend time with his kid. The gen X guy looked around at the rest of us as if millennial dad was crazy, but he finally realized that he was the odd one out.
I got told off I overcuddle my daughter because I pick her up from kindergarten twice a week (and I drop her off every day).
I can’t wrap my head around the logic.
The logic is men who are so emotionally crippled that any display of empathy or affection threatens their fragile sense of masculinity and undermines their false sense of worth as solely a financial provider, which feeds into their fears of what they’ve missed, so they ridicule and insult as a defense mechanism. Or something.
That would explain the reaction from men but not similar reactions from women, which are even more common in my experience.
The logic is women who are so emotionally crippled that any display of empathy or affection by men threatens their fragile sense of femininity and undermines their false sense of worth as solely a nurturer.
Can’t say I can relate–in my experience, women have been the ones who either think nothing of it or approve more (though it can border on infantalizing). But I’ve known some women who internalized the mysogyny they grew up in, and anything departing from “traditional” (i.e., toxic) masculinity in men threatens their worldview.
Our worldview is a bit like our gums–forms at an early age, and if we don’t regularly “floss” (challenging ourselves with growth and listening to differing perspectives), any challenge causes pain and discomfort. Flossing, like growing a worldview, isn’t pleasant at first, but we’re much healthier for it.
This is when you wear that WORLD’S BEST DAD T-shirt you got for Father’s Day. If you don’t have one, go to your daughter right now with a blank tee and some fabric paint, and don’t forget to help her hotglue some sequins and jewels!
I’m cracking up at your response because I literally bought myself this shirt out of spite 😂
Cool but needs more sequins
Fuck yeah, love my kids.
Hell yeah, maximum parenting 💪 barely saw my dad when I was a kid, always away on business. I work 100% remote since my first kid was born, get to spend all day every day with my kids now, never going back.
I wonder if part of it is because more parents are parents because they chose to be. There are a lot of stories from older people where they became adults because they became parents, creating a lot of resentment.
Is this true? Purely anecdotal, but none of the people I know in my age range had children on purpose. Most of them were an “Oops, guess we should get married then…” and THANKFULLY most of those are good parents and their marriages seem to be working out.
Not that this is a bad thing when it works out anyway.
Anecdotally, my friend groups and family were the opposite. I even know some friends has abortions because they weren’t in the right place to have a child.
But if you look at the statistics, parents are having their first child later in life. There are also a lot more childless adults.
