How old were you when you began questioning/considering you weren’t “normal”? I’m in my 30s and almost all at once feel like I’m not sure what I am in most demensions and struggling to figure out what I feel about anything. I’ve been married, happily for a while, which adds a little to the confusion.
Now that I reread my own comment and read yours, I actually realise it was more than a few months of torment. It was a few months of figuring out my identity (which wouldn’t have been an existential crisis if it hadn’t been for the toxic relationship) and then a further 5 years of a toxic relationship after that. I’m glad I got out, but it sucks to bump into mutual friends who didn’t realise we were together in the past call my ex “the nicest person you’ll ever meet”.
Basking in the reflected edginess of queerness is also a perfect description of an element my past relationship. I’ve never heard it put quite so well lol
I’m also very glad you’re out of that toxic relationship. That sounds so gross and I hope you’re in a more loving and supportive place now.