I have a cousin, 35, Male, who has always been susceptible to conspiracy. He listened to Rush and other right wing favs when we were younger, and after a mildly messy divorce, I’m afraid he’s pivoted to blaming women for everything (including, and especially, male urges).
Along with his heroes, he’s committed to anti-intellectualism. I almost miss the tea party days.
Recently he’s been reading self published books with titles like “Analyzing the ROI on Pursuing Women,” and “Why women deserve less.” They bizarrely juxtapose tidbits from economics onto ravings about value and gender that don’t make sense. Weird that he trusts random opinions and not researchers who at least provide rigorous reasoning for their theories, but I digress.
As a lady, it’s hard to care about the dude, but I do feel like I should say -something-. Does anyone have ideas?
If you really want to help this person I’d suggest being a friend to him. Don’t talk about the stuff you disagree on. Every time he mentions it, be very clear that you emphatically disagree and that the positions that he holds cause you harm. Do not get drawn into a debate, just states how it negatively affects you and end the conversation. If he can accept that boundary then you can build a friendship, and that friendship will eventually provide you with the sufficient mutual respect to potentially begin to change minds with open and vulnerable conversation. It has to be a real friendship though, you can’t be faking it.
That’s all a lot of energy and effort, but it’s the kind of sustained relational support that can effectively promulgate change.
Most of these people can’t find any friends outside of their conservative echo chambers because of this, that is how they get so lost in it. Really the biggest cause of the increase in incel culture as of late is just because people (especially men) are more lonely then ever
Thanks, I do think a solid foundation of trust is a big part of changing hearts and minds. I speak to him on the phone with some frequency, but will try to think of some ways to make the conversations more substantive. I think he also has some social issues because he’ll call and then just remain silent unless I prompt him with questions (so I usually ask about work or the kids).
Social skills are just that, they’re skills. That means they can be learned and improved, and also that they can be lost with disuse. Helping him practice talking can develop these skills.