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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/MineThen5353 on 2023-06-20 22:54:29+00:00.

This was long ago and far away (Pittsburgh Pa.). I was fresh out of the Marines in the early 80’s and qualified for very little that did not require a vertical butt stroke to the face of an opponent. I was young and raw, but looking for work.

I was fortunate to land a bank job as a “repo” guy staffed in an old bank branch in Dormont. The place was filled with crotchety old men who were nice, but best described as “dead enders”. They knew their careers were finishing in the collections department working in the 20+ member bullpen.

My immediate boss was “Bill”. An old Army vet who trained me and took me under his wing on what to do and what to avoid. Now Pittsburgh in the 80’s was a tough town. The steel mills were closing and the bank was crazy busy being dicks with foreclosures and repos at record levels. Most of the time I was as nice as I could be, trying to empathize with people losing their cars and such.

One customer was a pain in the ass. An aluminum siding and windows salesman who hadn’t paid in over 6 months. I was under a lot of pressure to find the car. One night I approached his neighbor (little old lady) who told me he came home once a week on Fridays and then stayed at his girlfriends house. I had her permission to hide in her bushes with a key in hand from the dealer. So Friday found me in her bush 😉

Anyway, around 2000 this guy pulls into his driveway and scampers into his house. It appears that he was coming right back out as the car door was left open so I took off and jumped in. I put the key in and…nothing…the car was turning over, but wouldn’t start. I look up at the house in panic and see the blinds jerked back and this guy screaming. I said, don’t panic give it some gas and lo and behold the car started…I backed out the driveway as this guy came roaring out of the house. He chased me for bit as I came to a stop and gave him the finger (this part of the story is important to remember.

I took the car, which was full of siding samples and windows to the repo lot, filled in some paperwork and enjoyed my weekend knowing the accolades i would receive on Monday morning.

MONDAY MORNING. As I entered the bank I was approached by the “big” boss Don who told me to follow him to his office. I knew something was wrong as he was very gruff. As soon as I entered Bill (boss man) was in my face. Like literally in my face jabbing my chest with his spittle on my glasses. I don’t know what came over me, but I punched him. In the face. Broke his nose…blood gushing. I turned and left the office, the bullpen staring at me, completely silent with their mouths open.

I went home expecting the police and job termination. Needless to say, my wife was not happy. At 10 the next morning I got a call from Don asking me to come in to his office. When i got there, Bill was there with his nose all taped up and his eyes beginningto blacken. I started to apologize, but Don interrupted and said no “Bill has something to say to you.”. Bill went on to apologize to ME! Can you imagine? I was dumfounded, but Don said Bill should never have assaulted me as he did(?)

I retained my job and did apologize to Bill. Apparently when I repo’d the aluminum salesman car, he had a heart attack chasing after me in the street and immediately sued the bank claiming emotional damages. Bank management wanted everything swept under the rug and I benefited from the chaos.

Lesson learned: punch your boss in the face and everything will be 👍 ok!!!