• snooggums@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    Someone who makes assumptions about women and confidently tells them how they should be doing the things they are already doing.

    • average650@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Just sounds to me like he’s passionate about something. I guess he could be an ass, but to jump to that conclusion from just “you should train high milage” and then providing analysis is really a bit much.

      • thepianistfroggollum@lemmynsfw.com
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        1 year ago

        My dad would be that guy, but he’s a running coach and was a marathon runner for like 50 years, so he loves talking about it.

        There definitely wouldn’t be any thought of, “you’re a woman so you need advice,” since he’d do the same thing to a man.

        In fact, if we actually accept this completely unbelievable story, the fact that he’s pulling stats from Women runners shows he’s not being sexist.

        • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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          1 year ago

          Your dad sounds like an asshole and id avoid bringing up running. I’d enjoy talking about it. But I wouldn’t want a teaching lesson from someone who has, as far as I know, no credentials or authority on the topic because, if we assume it’s like the post, none were given. Plus I’d rather they find out my level of knowledge before they assume I know nothing. Basic respect. Your dad has none. And you don’t either.

          Edit: most running plans aren’t gendered so he may not even know it’s from a woman. Many plans get shared, gasp, through social media and credit can be lost. You’re actually fucking awful at drawing logical conclusions. Take a college course in logic once you reach there as I can’t imagine you’re that old or experienced with your approach to communications.

      • Zorque@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        I mean, if the recommendations were prompted, sure. But if he just starts telling her what she should be doing without prompting, its that whole “mansplaining” thing I heard about.

        Admittedly we only have her context, he could have just been passionately recounting his own routines and she may have misinterpreted it, or exaggerated for effect and humor.

      • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        Not really. Unsolicited advice can be very condescending. You’re telling them that info because you don’t believe they know it. Just ask them how familiar they are on the topic if it’s truly from a place of passion. Cause passionate or not, if they already know the info, it’s annoying to listen to someone just spout about something you already know. And it’s worse if they just assumed you didn’t know.

        Edit: also, I’d take her opinion on the situation over yours any day. She decided that it would have someone not gone over well for the guy, so I’d imagine she had a reason. You’re the one assuming she acted without reason which is truly odd.

        • average650@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          So, tell them about yourself. They’re a stranger, they’re going to get a lot of assumptions wrong, so what? Conversations can’t begin without making some assumptions. It’s only a problem when they start to ignore what you say.

          • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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            1 year ago

            She was under the impression he wouldn’t take it well. Why would you know the situation better than her?

            • average650@lemmy.world
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              1 year ago

              There may well be other context not communicated in the post that changes things. All I’m saying, is that based off this, it just sounds like he’s passionate about something and maybe she missed out on a good conversation. Of course, I could be wrong and more context may change things.

              • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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                1 year ago

                You do have context. Hers. But for some reason you aren’t taking her context into account. WEIRD

                • average650@lemmy.world
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                  1 year ago

                  The context we have: “On my flight was talking to a guy next to me & it came up that I run. He starts telling me how I need to train high mileage & pulls up an analysis he’d made of a pro runner’s training on his phone. The pro runner was me. It was my training.”

                  I don’t see how I haven’t taken all that into account. No doubt context was left out of that post. I’m not taking that into account because I don’t know it. If I did, my opinion would probably be different.

                  I don’t see why I’m not allowed to think it would have been better for her to tell him.

                  • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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                    1 year ago

                    You didn’t take into account that she was there and chose how to respond. She has more context than you. But you still don’t see that. I honestly don’t know how else to spell it out. You’re saying her perspective of an event that she was present for is incorrect and your perspective of an event that you weren’t there for is more correct.

                    You’re questioning her judgement when there’s literally no reason to. And then you’re defending that. So why should your judgement be above questioning but not hers?

      • OurTragicUniverse@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        I take it you’re not a woman or afab presenting then? Go ask a woman you trust to tell you what it means when a man starts explaining her hobbies to her as if she doesn’t understand them.

        • average650@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Man, guys do this to everyone because they care about what they do. I’ve had guys do it to me and I love it because we can have a passionate conversation then.

          Look, if after she revealed who she was he dismissed her, then yeah, he’s an ass and the conversation is a waste of time. But, I know a lot of guys who would do exactly this and then be really excited to talk to her and learn about her experiences, myself included.

          • thepianistfroggollum@lemmynsfw.com
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            1 year ago

            Yup, my dad would have a blast talking running with anyone who will let him, and he’d do the same thing as this guy. There wouldn’t be an bit of condescension about it.

            • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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              1 year ago

              No, you ask them if they’re familiar with the concept. You don’t give them a intro course to it. One treats them as a peer. The other treats them as unknowledgeable. It’s disrespectful to assume someone has no knowledge in the topic they admit to be interested in. Going on a long spiel isn’t a passionate dialogue. It’s a long monologue trying to teach someone something because you assume you’re the teacher and they’re the student in the situation.

          • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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            1 year ago

            No, there are guys who absolutely talk to women as if they know nothing about the topic no matter what the woman stated before hand. I’ve seen guys do that to my coworker who’s been a developer for years and if they have to tell her some sort of critique on her code, they’ll explain from like a intro comp sci point and detail everything and then finally just mention their critique at the end. All that was needed was the criticism itself, not the full history of programming. When I get a critique, it’s just “hey, try XYZ because of ABC.”

            Happens at the gym too. Hell, I’ve literally been next to a woman who brings up a topic they like that the other guy likes and then they just start talking to me and I didn’t even mention I enjoy the topic.

            Just because you don’t do it, don’t pretend it doesn’t happen. Women react the ways they do because of experience. Also, I highly doubt you’ve seen guys talk to someone interested in the same topic in the same way as if the other person knows nothing. It’s disrespectful regardless of gender.

            I’ve seen it happen.

            Edit: let’s keep in mind, this whole time you’re correcting a woman on a topic that you’ve yet to show any experience in, plus weren’t even present for and all you have is her perspective, and you still said it’s wrong.

            • average650@lemmy.world
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              1 year ago

              Of course it happens. I never said it doesn’t. I said it sounds to me like he’s just passionate about something in this case. I even said if he ignores her expertise after he finds out who she is, then he’s an ass and ignore him.

              let’s keep in mind, this whole time you’re correcting a woman on a topic that you’ve yet to show any experience in, plus weren’t even present for and all you have is her perspective, and you still said it’s wrong.

              Dude, it’s a conversation with a stranger. Why do you act like I’ve never had any experience talking with a stranger?

              • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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                1 year ago

                You’re doubling down on correcting her and saying her interpretation is worse than yours. And I need to point out again, you weren’t there and she was. Yet you still are committed to saying your interpretation is better. Wow. Just wow, buddy.

                • average650@lemmy.world
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                  1 year ago

                  So, we aren’t ever allowed to suggest that another course of action was better if we weren’t there? Really?

                  • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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                    1 year ago

                    No, you can do so. But have a better fucking reason than making up entirely different scenarios. When the situation actually contains enough info to know they’re wrong, then sure. But when there is no reason or evidence to question them, why do it?

        • Dangdoggo@kbin.social
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          1 year ago

          This doesn’t sound like a mansplain scenario to me, I think the guy was just happy to talk running (and also might not exist). So if a woman says they run I should say “well I’m sure you know everything there is to know about that. No need for further discussion.” ? Sounds fucking dull.

          • Nerivis@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            This thread is full of mountains of projection trying to explain why it’s fine and probably great that the guy in the OP did this.

            But of course only one person involved in the whole post was actually there: the woman who made the tweet. Do you think that tweet is coming from someone who had to deal with a friendly-but-passionate dude explaining training techniques?

            Could be, but the language of her tweet suggests annoyance.

            Also your suggested response is equally obnoxious. It’s pretty simple: if she says she runs you ask more about it—“oh what kind of running do you do?”

            What you definitely do not say is “you should be doing X” without asking what kind of training they already do. Seems obvious.

          • Zorque@kbin.social
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            1 year ago

            You can ask about experiences before launching into a 3-year training regimen, you know.

            • thepianistfroggollum@lemmynsfw.com
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              1 year ago

              Or, you could just accept the fact that people like talking about their hobbies and stop looking for a reason to be upset over an obviously ficticious story meant to manufacture outrage.

              • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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                1 year ago

                No, going on a long spiel is not discussing your hobbies. It’s dominating the conversation and taking it from something that apparently she brought up, to about how he could help her with his knowledge. That’s not a conversation. A conversation would be asking her about it before assuming she literally knows nothing. Have a back and forth about it. Have her talk about her experience. He can talk about his. You know. Like two normal humans instead of a non-stop running lesson no one asked for.

      • pjhenry1216@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        Running plans are not gendered for the most part. It’s possible some exist, but they are not common, especially amongst enthusiasts as opposed to elite athletes.