I’m AMAB and since July, I’ve felt what I now realize is mild dysphoria. Around 2 weeks ago I read more about gender dysphoria from genderdysphoria.fyi and realized I am almost certainly trans. Ever since I realized this, my dysphoria (along with anxiety about said dysphoria) has gotten a lot worse to the point where I’m only getting ~3-5 hours of sleep for multiple days in a row until I get exhausted enough to pass out immediately when I get in bed. I was originally going to wait until I graduate this year but I’ve been pretty miserable and I want to come out sooner because I think that would at least help with the anxiety aspects, even if I wait to start actually transitioning. That being said, I’m worried about a few things:
My last semester in undergrad for CS is coming up and I have 4 male roommates in an apartment, and I’m scared of making things awkward for the last months we’ll be living together since we’re all pretty close friends.
I’m lucky enough to be in a blue state (both at college and at home) and my parents and siblings are all mostly progressive politically, but I don’t think my parents have ever actually met a trans person. I’m worried that they won’t accept me because they think that all trans people knew they were trans as children, and I’ve had mostly “male” hobbies for my whole life. It’s more of less the same story with my grandparents who I’m also very close with, one of whom is in pretty bad health right now. I’m worried that coming out and/or transitioning would be enough of a shock to make that worse.
I guess my questions are, how did you come out, and how can I approach this with my family? Did you start transitioning immediately after coming out to friends/family? Before? Am I way overthinking everything? Any other advice for someone who’s new to all of this?
If my run-on sentences are unintelligible lmk and I’ll fix them, I’m very sleep deprived rn but I needed to get this off my chest before I actually implode
Kinda had the same situation here (I will even be graduating with a CS bachelor’s soon as well), although I had my realization in highschool. My family tends to be more progressive like yours and I spent a few months experimenting with my gender. One day my mom noticed that I had shaved my legs and long story short, she basically forced me to come out. Initially she “accepted” me and she used the proper name and pronouns with me but she was convinced that it was just a phase. Over the years she has realized that it’s not a phase and she has become a lot more accepting over time. Some of my family members took a bit to come around as well and others immediately accepted me.
Considering you have a progressive family, I imagine things will probably turn out alright. Since I came out during covid I stayed inside pretty much the entire time I didn’t really start to transition until afterwards, since my family called me she/her I was pretty content with that at the time (I tend to feel more dysphoric in public than at home).
Anyways, the most important thing is that you are happy. Do things in your transition because they make you happy and not because of pressure from others. There is not one way to transition and you can do or not do whatever parts you want.
Thank you so much for this comment! This might just be dependent on my individual family, but do you think there’s anything I can do to emphasize that I’m being serious and it isn’t a phase or anything? Or will it just be a matter of it happening over time?
For me, the primary issue with my mom thinking it was a phase was that I was dependent on her to get HRT since I was a minor at the time. If you are fully financially independent from your parents then that probably won’t be an issue for you, but if you aren’t I think it’s mostly just a time thing, as it might take them a while to process everything.
My mom had a phase where she was basically grieving the old me like I had died and it took her a few months to realize that I’m still the same person and I’m just being my true self now. Even after that though, it took her a bit over 2 years before she became okay with me taking HRT. I think she was stuck in the denial and bargaining stages of grief for most of that. It’s possible you experience something similar where it takes them a few years to fully come around, but it’s also possible that they just instantly accept you (which some of my family did).
I think doing something bold to prove you’re serious, like changing your name legally shortly before or after you come out, wouldn’t really work. If they aren’t fully accepting immediately I think they really just need time to process and that might be too much at once for them.