i will talk to my doctor about this of course but just wanted to collect my thoughts and seek out some other experiences before my next appointment. Sorry for such a long post, I guess the TLDR is Iām not sure if I lack the ability to focus enough to have ADHD.
Since I got the results i have been reading and listening to a lot of stuff about adhd. One thing I am pretty sure of is, if I do have ADHD it is the āinattentiveā type, not the āhyperactiveā type. Even so I am still quite conflicted about whether or not I actually have it at all. Iāll read one article and think āthatās TOTALLY me, I definitely have ADHDā. For example, I have really struggled with these things since middle school at least (i am 40 so trying to think back before high school is a bit fuzzy):
- Severe motivation deficit/procrastination, particularly for tedious tasks and long-term projects
- poor long term planning/project management (even gives me some anxiety just thinking about)
- poor long term time perception (like Iāll intend to think about and purchase Christmas gifts, but then itās too late)
- Not great attention to detail, and I feel like I can sometimes jump to conclusions
- Some trouble finishing ālast 5%ā
- poor sleep hygiene. i actually fall asleep and stay asleep fine but itās hard for me to put myself to bed at a good time and wake up in the morning. mornings have been hell my entire life.
But then I go read something else and think āhm that does not sound like me at allā. For example I am reading the book How to ADHD, and in it she says:
According to Hallowell, if you, an attention-challenged person, abandon all the distractions of modernity, go live on a farm, and finally find peace, you donāt have ADHD. If, instead, you show up to the farm and get so bored you decide to build a carnivalācongratulations, you are one of us.
Likeā¦ I would absolutely not have the energy or motivation to build anything like a carnival. I would of course occupy myself with other things, I guess reading or playing guitar or listening to music, but isnāt that basically normal? Iām just not sure how to interpret this. Is this more applicable to āhyperactiveā people, maybe not so much for āinattentiveā people?
Iām just not sure what to make of all this yet. My whole life i have felt extremely lazy and low energy, but once i get over that initial (major) motivation problem i feel like i can focus fine and get stuff done. Is that what āhyper focusā is? Or does that more likely mean I donāt actually have ADHD?
Thanks for reading and any feedback is welcome.
If itās a paid service your psychiatrist uses and your doctor trusts the results, then I would too.
Why do you doubt the results if youāre trying to get help? Isnāt that the point of reaching out to a doctor in the first place?
ātrust but verifyā. i have no reason to specifically distrust my doctor, but i also know there are bad doctors out there, and psychiatry seems to be a particularly fuzzy science.
well yes i want help, but i want the right help. No assessment is going to be 100% accurate. mental healthcare is not cheap and takes a long time to troubleshoot. medication has side effects. If i donāt actually have ADHD, every monthly session and hundreds of dollars spent on it is less iām spending on whatever the actual issue is.
edit:
coincidentally found this video tonight. Russell Barkley says there are no ADHD diagnostic tests. Assessments can be helpful with research and studies of large groups, but they are not helpful in a clinical setting for individuals.
Well if you do try medication, itās either going to work and improve your life, or not and you can stop taking it.