The flipside, however, is that it validates them asking even more questions, which is good for their development but incredibly annoying for the parent. That said, I could name a bunch of useless facts now because I’ve looked up way more than I should have. Dinner time is frequently like this (I have three kids, will just give them numbers):
Kid 1 - How far away is Paris?
Me - About…
Kid 2 - What happens if you microwave a fork?
Me - Hold on, let me…
Kid 3 - How do you say “ounce” in Spanish?
Me: Why would you even…
Kid 2 - I’ll go try
Me - No!! That could destroy the microwave! Sit down, let me answer Kid 1 first. About 5000 miles (made up number, but surprisingly close)
Kid 1 - How much is that in inches?
Me - Hold on, it’s Kid 2s turn. If you microwave a fork, you’ll get sparks and maybe break the microwave. We’re not going to try it, but maybe I can find a video for you.
Kid 3 - You didn’t answer my question!
Me - Sorry, I don’t know since I don’t speak Spanish, but I’ll look it up for you. (10 seconds later) Apparently “la onza,” though I don’t think anyone that speaks Spanish uses ounces.
Kid 2 - What if I microwave my dolly?
Kid 3 - Why?
Me - <to Kid 3> They usually use metric, so either grams (gramo) or milliliters (mililitro). <to Kid 2> I don’t know, but it might ruin your dolly.
And so on. I have to juggle three conversations at the same time, and sometime a fourth if my SO wants to discuss something. It’s absolute madness, but I do what I can to encourage curiousity, but I don’t fault anyone for giving lame answers.
I’ll let them know when they get back from school. :)
Seriously though, I have sometimes gotten back to them a day or two later, when I finally remember that thing they asked in a random rapid-fire question session (aka, dinner time).
I don’t know if it would work, but what I’d try to do in that situation is to make it clear the kids will get more of your time and attention if they put in more effort themselves.
Like, the kid asking how far away Paris is: get the kid to come up with an estimate and how he/she’d check that estimate. Once they put in the work like that, you give them more time to get to the answer.
The kid asking about microwaving a fork, tell them it’s a dangerous thing to do, tell them you might be able to find a video showing what happens. But, first, ask them to come up with 5 other things they shouldn’t touch in the kitchen without a parent’s permission and a reason why and write them down.
I don’t have kids, but my dad did something a bit like that with me, and my uncle did something like that with his kids. It seemed to work. I was too young to really remember exactly how it worked with me, but I do remember happily doing research on things and then getting attention from my dad about what I’d figured out. With my uncle, I got to watch his kids (5-6 years younger than me) and how this sort of thing worked. He’d spend about 5 seconds deflecting them, they’d go off and do some things on their own, and he’d have more time to relax. Sometimes they got bored or distracted and didn’t come back. When they did come back, they’d come back with something more than just a random question, and he’d spend time with them about what they’d discovered.
Kid 1 still out there wondering how many inches away Paris is, lol
Of course, in the moment, answering an artillery barrage of questions is gonna be overwhelming and challenging. No shame in that, especially if you’re wrangling three little minions the whole time. I’m getting more at the general idea of fostering a curious environment where saying, "huh, I don’t really know what’s gonna happen, but lets find out together . . . " regardless of the question or experiment needed to find out, is the default attitude. Which is something it sounds like you do a great job of, btw, but it’s also something that seems to be increasingly absent in this modern world (or maybe I’m just getting old)
Yeah, it’s kind of frustrating, but I guess I’m the cool dad for letting my kids do strange experiments. For example, my kid had some oil and water in a bottle for a couple months on their desk and really liked shaking it up and seeing it separate, and they did another where they took two 2-liter bottles and connected them to make “water tornadoes” or whatever. We also built a crappy game w/ Scratch once.
The tricky part is spending roughly equal time with each. My oldest really likes doing experiments and building stuff (which I’m totally down for), the second is more into creativity and making up games (I struggle here), and the last is into playing pretend and dress-up (I’m really not equipped for that). So what ends up happening is we don’t do much of those things and instead do things all together, like going to a local museum, the playground, or playing video games together. But I try to set aside some time for each of those interests.
I am excited for maybe doing a large project with all of them. I want to build a treehouse, which should appeal to each of them. The oldest can help design it and cut the pieces (I have a table saw), the oldest two can help nail things, the second can help decorate, and the third can RP as a construction worker, helping me with tools and whatnot. It should be a lot of fun, just waiting approval from the SO, budget (we need to buy a new car soon), and time (would probably need to take a few days off to get it done).
You are a really fucking cool dad for even wanting to build a tree house with your kids, good on you. Literally my best memories are with my dad building cool shit like tree houses, which eventually snowballed into me having a million random skills and the two of us building actual houses together. Even if you can’t build something as complex as a treehouse right now, it’s the participating and engaging with your kids’ lives that really matters. They will remember you as the dad that showed up
I hope so. My main roadblock right now is getting my SO on board. I have a habit of half-finishing things, so I’ll need to clean up that list before they’ll sign off.
Exactly.
The flipside, however, is that it validates them asking even more questions, which is good for their development but incredibly annoying for the parent. That said, I could name a bunch of useless facts now because I’ve looked up way more than I should have. Dinner time is frequently like this (I have three kids, will just give them numbers):
And so on. I have to juggle three conversations at the same time, and sometime a fourth if my SO wants to discuss something. It’s absolute madness, but I do what I can to encourage curiousity, but I don’t fault anyone for giving lame answers.
Awesome.
317 million inches to Paris
I’ll let them know when they get back from school. :)
Seriously though, I have sometimes gotten back to them a day or two later, when I finally remember that thing they asked in a random rapid-fire question session (aka, dinner time).
I don’t know if it would work, but what I’d try to do in that situation is to make it clear the kids will get more of your time and attention if they put in more effort themselves.
Like, the kid asking how far away Paris is: get the kid to come up with an estimate and how he/she’d check that estimate. Once they put in the work like that, you give them more time to get to the answer.
The kid asking about microwaving a fork, tell them it’s a dangerous thing to do, tell them you might be able to find a video showing what happens. But, first, ask them to come up with 5 other things they shouldn’t touch in the kitchen without a parent’s permission and a reason why and write them down.
I don’t have kids, but my dad did something a bit like that with me, and my uncle did something like that with his kids. It seemed to work. I was too young to really remember exactly how it worked with me, but I do remember happily doing research on things and then getting attention from my dad about what I’d figured out. With my uncle, I got to watch his kids (5-6 years younger than me) and how this sort of thing worked. He’d spend about 5 seconds deflecting them, they’d go off and do some things on their own, and he’d have more time to relax. Sometimes they got bored or distracted and didn’t come back. When they did come back, they’d come back with something more than just a random question, and he’d spend time with them about what they’d discovered.
The older they get, the better their questions get.
But yeah, good point. I’ll consider pushing them a bit.
Love your comment! My first is 1½ and my second is hatching this summer.
Good luck! You can get into the groove by pretending to be schizophrenic.
Kid 1 still out there wondering how many inches away Paris is, lol
Of course, in the moment, answering an artillery barrage of questions is gonna be overwhelming and challenging. No shame in that, especially if you’re wrangling three little minions the whole time. I’m getting more at the general idea of fostering a curious environment where saying, "huh, I don’t really know what’s gonna happen, but lets find out together . . . " regardless of the question or experiment needed to find out, is the default attitude. Which is something it sounds like you do a great job of, btw, but it’s also something that seems to be increasingly absent in this modern world (or maybe I’m just getting old)
Yeah, it’s kind of frustrating, but I guess I’m the cool dad for letting my kids do strange experiments. For example, my kid had some oil and water in a bottle for a couple months on their desk and really liked shaking it up and seeing it separate, and they did another where they took two 2-liter bottles and connected them to make “water tornadoes” or whatever. We also built a crappy game w/ Scratch once.
The tricky part is spending roughly equal time with each. My oldest really likes doing experiments and building stuff (which I’m totally down for), the second is more into creativity and making up games (I struggle here), and the last is into playing pretend and dress-up (I’m really not equipped for that). So what ends up happening is we don’t do much of those things and instead do things all together, like going to a local museum, the playground, or playing video games together. But I try to set aside some time for each of those interests.
I am excited for maybe doing a large project with all of them. I want to build a treehouse, which should appeal to each of them. The oldest can help design it and cut the pieces (I have a table saw), the oldest two can help nail things, the second can help decorate, and the third can RP as a construction worker, helping me with tools and whatnot. It should be a lot of fun, just waiting approval from the SO, budget (we need to buy a new car soon), and time (would probably need to take a few days off to get it done).
You are a really fucking cool dad for even wanting to build a tree house with your kids, good on you. Literally my best memories are with my dad building cool shit like tree houses, which eventually snowballed into me having a million random skills and the two of us building actual houses together. Even if you can’t build something as complex as a treehouse right now, it’s the participating and engaging with your kids’ lives that really matters. They will remember you as the dad that showed up
I hope so. My main roadblock right now is getting my SO on board. I have a habit of half-finishing things, so I’ll need to clean up that list before they’ll sign off.
Try this. Wife in the microwave, kid 3 goes to study in mexico, kid 1 send him to Paris and to measure it himself , kid 2 can stay