Hello Blahaj users,
Unfortunately we have been discussing defederation. I would like for this to be sorted out, but our trans and disabled users deserve to be protected from transphobia and ableism. We know these are behaviors are perpetrated by a minority of Blahaj users, but they are tolerated here in the form of the 196 community. Of course, most Hexbear users are willing to re-federate once this bigoted community is removed. The admin Ada has been very helpful and I have faith in her to do the right thing for the safety of her community members.
In the meantime, I would like to extend an invitation to all leftists here to make an account on Hexbear. As long as you are anti-capitalist, you will be welcome there. We are hyper-inclusive and are strict against all forms of bigotry. There has been much disinformation spread about us, so if you have good faith questions, feel free to ask. We are not “pro-Russia” as many of our detractors claim, we are anti-NATO, as they perpetuate the amerikan empire. Please ask us anything in this thread!
We hope this defederation is temporary, or better yet, never comes. We do not wish to split two large queer instances just weeks after federating, but we must do what we think is right.
Trans rights forever! 
A pity then that one of your admins has thrown it all back in my face, with a public call out post currently pinned for all hexbear users to see.
I have done my best to make this work, and for all of my effort, I’ve had it thrown back in my face.
We were accussed of not addressing ableist behaviour. These actions in question occurred whilst I was in bed. Ultimately, I responded to them within 12 hours, removing the content in question and letting the person in question know that ableist language isn’t acceptable.
A hexbear admin accused me of being non responsive for that 12 hour delay. Hexbear on the other hand, let a dogpile thread targetting a blahaj user stand for over 24 hours, despite having something like 3 times as many admins as we do. I understand why it took Hexbear time to respond to the dogpile thread, given how new federation was and how their existing rules didn’t quite account for it. It’s a pity that they don’t offer the same courtesy and understanding in return, expecting response times that they can’t live up to themselves.
A hexbear admin also accussed us of not addressing transphobia in 196, referring to a specific event that occurred around a month ago. Despite finding that incident (that occured in a post that was removed before they were even federating with us) they somehow missed the very public post I made in response calling out transphobic behaviour and making the community expectations clear. A post that was pinned to 196, has over 400 replies and that you can still see right here https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/1105166.
Similarly, one of their admins implied that they were unable to have good faith conversations with Blahaj admin staff. A position that is at odds with the messaging I received from the hexbear admin I have been communicating with, who sent me a message 4 hours ago that ended with “Thank you very much for your time, effort, patience, and perspective during these past few days”
This petty “no u” bullshit from hexbear has definitely soured my opinion of them. Especially finding out that they didn’t even wait to hear from you before defederating
Given the concern-trolling behavior I see from many of the hexbear users posting in the past few days it doesn’t surprise me that something like this is the case. It’s Friday night and I’m buzzed so I’m not going to explain this beyond ‘vibes,’ but to me absolutely none of this shit coming from hexbear seems to be in good faith. I do not trust the vibes. The vibes are bad.
I appreciate the work you put in to keep the vibes good, especially given that this instance is something that costs you money to keep going. FWIW I feel like any bad behavior I’ve seen from outside instances interacting with 196 (cough, lemmy.world, cough) has been dealt with at a reasonable speed, all factors considered.