likely in response to my comments on the beehaw post, which i linked to (hopefully im doing this right?). apparently, calling people you dont know for the first time āthey/themā before being told their pronouns is āmisgenderingā. absurd. this kind of attitude threatens the larger LGBTQ community and is partially why cishets hate us after we won so much progress back in the 00s and 10s.
im a queer person. im neurodivergent. this shit is so goddamn fucking annoying, especially as an older queer who got physically assaulted on a near daily basis for being queer in the 90s. the kids today get their panties in a twist over being supposedly āmisgenderedā by someone calling them gender neutral pronouns before being corrected. narcissistic victimhood bullshit.
anyways, now banned from one of my favorite instances. meanwhile in the US theyre planning on hunting us. but yeah, lets ban fellow queers over their view that people who get mad about being āmisgenderedā when they arent (cis people are also referred to as āthey/themā before further context in a conversation with a stranger) are just attention seeking brats that threaten the larger movement. its so obvious to me that the brats who find reason to be offended over innocent pronoun use never faced real adversity, like getting repeatedly physically beaten.
edit - the best part of all of this is i faced no moderation from beehaw and all of my comments are +1 or higher. power tripping oversensitive neurodivergent hating bastard of a mod over at blahaj IMO.
edit 2 - did this wrong. heres a link to the post i think got me banned from blahaj and a screenshot about it https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/37659465
Edit 3 - apparently I did nothing wrong until I made my thoughts known about how the pronoun police fucked over the larger LGBTQ community as our rights are backsliding in America. Yall are gonna whine about being misgendered to the concentration camp guards at the rate weāre going. God forbid I be angry that while queers were busy fighting over pronouns our adversaries stuffed the courts, stuffed the school boards, couped the government, and are installing a fascist dictatorship. When I say that these fucking toddlers are going to learn what real oppression tastes like, thatās what I mean. Itās not that I want us to be hurt or oppressed (as the dog piling idiots have interpreted), itās that the younger generation is weak as hell and lost the fucking plot in the fight for our rights. I grew up getting beaten in the streets for being queer only for these kids to claim their pronouns not being mind-read is oppression!
Girl. Read your comment again. Please. It reads like a grandma in the nursing home ranting about how all the kids these days are all premarital hand-holding and being publicly indecent.
Look, Iām poly. Iām in a monogamous relationship, but just because Iām not currenly performing poly-ness doesnāt mean I donāt think and see the world like a poly person. My wife-to-be isnāt poly and Iām not gonna push her. Iām sorry that your friends seem to have pushed you, and I can sympathize since so many poly people seem to use it as a crutch for being a bad partner, but you donāt get to be a dick about it.
Back when I used to live in the rust belt, I had a lesbian coworker who was a big trump supporter as well as a born-again Christian who thinks that gay and trans people are all going to hell. She only does couple stuff with her wife (how she got a wife I will never know) behind closed doors because she doesnāt want to āindoctrinate the childrenā. Thatās our real enemy, if you can call it that: gay people oppressing themselves and dragging each other down with them.
I was a daycare teacher for a while. You know what I do when a kid throws a temper tantrum? I leave them alone until they calm down, and then I treat them like the tantrum didnāt happen. Sometimes they want to tell me what made them upset after, and we can fix it. Sometimes they just need it out of their system. Iām of the opinion that adults are just toddlers with manners. Let the tantrum happen, donāt judge them for it, move tf on.
People can be poly all they want, itās not for me. At all. Itās emotionally harmful, traumatizing and makes me feel unsafe. I refuse to date anyone poly which shrinks an already small number of people in my rural area. Claiming Iām a āgrandmaā is fucking offensive. I need emotional trust in a partner to have sex, and for damn good reasons I do not trust poly people. Ethical they are not. Not in my numerous experiences. Theyāre delusional about their emotional intelligence. Not just me! I have queer friends with similar bad experiences.
Comparing me to your born again Christian friend is also offensive. I donāt hide who I am. I donāt think queer people should hide who they are. I am not nor have I ever been Christian, not raised in that religion at all.
Demanding emotional trust in a romantic relationship and only finding that trust in naturally monogamous people is not oppression, itās protecting myself from harm.
I think I came across as angrier than I intended. My personal experience with poly people, for one, lines up pretty well with yours. There is many reasons Iām an ethical monogamist now, and all of them are people Iāve dated. I was only a little offended at the jab towards poly people. The main reasons I am angry are just that thereās so much else that wrong out there.
I also did not intend to compare you to my Christian friend. I meant to use her as a human example of the other problems out there. Tbh I think it undermined my intended point, which was that we should not be direction anger into our own community when I know you can see how shit it is out there for gays. Itās much better than back when you were a baby gay, thatās for sure, but there are so many bigots out there trying to shove us back in the closet. Why waste you energy on stuff that doesnāt matter?
I also just want to be clear I donāt think you are homophobic or anything like that, and I think we agree on pretty much everything. Thatās why I am talking to you. I just think you are wasting your energy on stuff that doesnāt matter. Forgiveness takes energy. Our community is full of traumatized people who have big complexes about bullshit that doesnāt matter and will lash out over microaggressions theyāve been conditioned to expect but arenāt actually there. Baby gays donāt know how to deal with their own trauma yet. Hopefully they will get better about it as they get older and more experienced.
I think a little more relevant example for forgiveness is this one time I had a kid in my class who was a Ukranian refugee. He was 3, so he was old enough to talk but not old enough to think through his actions before he does them. Very smart kid, but he had no way to deal with the trauma of being a refugee, and was definitely either autistic or something similar. He was quite prone to tantrums. How else was he supposed to deal with it? He has, at various points, bit me, stabbed me with pencils, screamed in my ear, broken my glasses, tried to rip my ears off my head, and many other things. I always made it clear thst i forgave him, and he always said sorry to me after. He got better over time. I know this isnāt a perfect metaphor, because itās not acceptable for an adult to react to misgendering by stabbing the misgenderer with a pencil and breaking their glasses, but I think you see what Iām talking about. Most importantly, I have to forgive this child. Whatās the alternative? Holding a grudge against this 3-year-old? Caving his face in? No! That doesnāt make sense! Giving forgiveness doesnāt mean āI absolve this child of guilt for stabbing me and breaking my glassesā, it means making an effort to let go of your own pain so you can heal and move on without your life.
Edit: wow, that was a wall of text. I think I needed a reason to get that off my chest. Thanks, I guess
What is ethical monogamist if not a typical committed monogamous relationship where you donāt fuck each other over emotionally?
This is why Iām so heated about the pronoun police finding things to be mad about. Itās in bad faith.
Ethical monogamy is basically when a poly person who has chosen to be in a monogamous relationship. More specifically, it is distinguished from ānormalā monogamy in two ways:
So yeah, itās just basic decency imho
Donāt take this personally but I donāt trust poly people āchoosingā to be mono. Thatās a situation I was in.
I believe, like sexuality, it is hardwired. Either you are or you arenāt, and if youāre in your unnatural state for long enough youāll resent it and go back to your natural state. Whichever it is, I think it goes both ways for poly and mono.
As for point 2 I always discuss this with partners and Iām not poly at all. Better for everyone to be on the same page about expectations.