I’m incredibly lonely and isolated, which is understandably depressing. But it’s also harder to make friends to solve the loneliness because I simply am too damn sad to not be a downer. When I’m at my lonliest, that’s when I’m really motivated to want to talk to someone; and venting all your depressed thoughts isn’t the best first impression. When I am actually having a good day, I don’t feel like I need anyone; I’m perfectly happy to be alone and spend time with myself.

I wanted to really meet new people here, and try to be closer than just a stranger on the Internet but I am struggling with it and it’s very concerning to me. I never had problems being myself online, and a decade ago I would have said my online self is more the real me than the me in the real world due to my mostly non-verbal nature. I’m much more open, or was, when I am communicating through text. But since marrying and divorcing I’ve been unable to really share myself that way even in the spaces I felt most comfortable.

On top of all that, I have this extreme urge to be with a furry. I don’t mean like an actual anthropomorphic character, but like… Another human who is a furry. Lately I’ve wondered if I am actually just fetishizing it, but the main reason I specifically want to be with another furry is it feels like it would be easier to be understood and get along being little weirdos together. But I also live in a super conservative part of an otherwise liberal state; just being queer in general is hard enough here finding someone who shares in other interests like this even harder.

I don’t know where I’m going with this I just needed to vent to real people and not to a wall or an AI. I mean, I’d love to just be engaged with a little. Get me to open up I guess? If anyone is even interested despite my bullshit. IDK… I feel stupid now after saying all this, but I’m hitting the post button anyway.