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The original was posted on /r/cybersecurity by /u/redfoxtrot025 on 2023-08-29 15:59:28+00:00.

Hello good people of Reddit, I’m in a tight situation.

My apologize if this ends up long. I am a 29-year-old male currently living in a middle sized midwestern city. I have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was about 6 and later with depression and anxiety when I was 22. I come from a customer service and hospitality background as I have worked in retail and hotels since I graduated high school in 2013. As I’m sure some of you know, this is thankless work where the pay is low, and you must deal with very difficult people, customers and managers included. I decided that I had enough and enrolled in an online university to pursue a bachelor’s degree in cybersecurity. I’ve had a love for technology and computers since l was little and wanted to learn more about them. In addition, one of the hotels that I worked for had a major data breach, so I took this as my call to action. Cyber criminals hurt thousands of people every day and I wanted to do something to make a difference. School was hard due to my mental disorders, but I pushed through and graduated in the summer of 2022. I did very well, graduating with honors and a GPA of 3.8.

Shortly before I graduated, I applied for a job a cybersecurity technician job for a media company based out of my city. The interview was very difficult. As they asked questions, I wasn’t sure how to answer some due to my lack of experience and it quickly became clear to me the areas that my education was lacking. However, I got the job and was excited to start. Finally, I could make some decent money, gain valuable experience that I could start improving my life.

My first week should have been a sign. After the first few days of orientation, getting to know the team, my new boss, and completed small projects, the work stopped coming in. I would spend most of time just sitting there, wondering what exactly I was supposed to be doing with my time. I would go for periods from days to weeks where I had little to do or even hearing from my boss or coworkers. I would spend most days online, waiting for an email or message with a task that I could complete. I would get these tasks done quickly. To fill the dead time, I would take online courses, read about cybersecurity related topics, or work on homework when I was going to school. At the time, I was working from home, so it wasn’t too boring or stressful. Thursday mornings would get a little stressful as my boss would hold weekly meetings and we would go around the room talking about the things that we were working on for the week. Being that I had already gotten my tasks done, I would share the tasks that I was working on as well as topics that I was researching or studying to make it seem like that I wasn’t wasting the company’s or my time doing nothing. I would do my best to ask questions and contribute where I could but would mostly stay quiet to listen and learn as I am still so new to the role and the industry as whole.

My first performance review came in October of last years, and it was abysmal. My boss heavily criticized me for “not playing an active role in the team”, “not continuing to workflows” “not contributing to the team”, “lack of technical and professional knowledge”, “poor work performance” and other related criticism. I was deeply hurt and confused by his comments as of course I wouldn’t be performing well, I had just started and wasn’t being trained on how to do anything. I told him this, he said that he and the team would take more time to giving me growing opportunities and I should do research on areas on interest so that I could contribute to the team and company better. Fast forward a year from now, the company has moved us to hybrid schedule, so I spend most of my time in the office. This is the first time I’ve been able to physically interact with my coworkers, boss, and other people from my company. The training however never came, as reality of the situation soon set in. My other three coworkers don’t seem to be doing much worker either. The senior analyst spends most of the time on her phone The other analyst is sitting on his personal computer writing his science fiction novel and talking to his friends on Discord. The third analyst I barely ever see because somehow, he is allowed to keep working from home. So it seems that they don’t seem to be doing much either but yet, I’m the one getting in trouble for not doing much.

I pass the time doing what I did before. Online training classes, reading, research, talking with my coworkers about topics and concepts that I didn’t understand. Overall, I felt that I was getting better at my job as I was asking questions that would facilitate health decisions during our weekly team meetings. However, the company soon implanted a new policy were we now be having midyear reviews in addition to end year reviews. I had my review almost a few weeks ago. Much to my annoyance and devastation, my review was pretty much a carbon copy of my last one. I honestly thought I was doing a lot better, but I guess not. My boss wants to now have regular one on ones with me to “help improve performance.” I had my first one last week, but it was so awkward. I spent most of the time repeating what I said from our team meeting earlier that morning but with more details.

My boss has said if my performance doesn’t improve, the higher ups will force him to let me go. I’m at a loss here. How is it that I’m getting in trouble for not doing anything when I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing? How is it I’m getting in trouble for lack of knowledge and skills when no one seems interested in teaching me? Did I do something wrong? Did I make the wrong choice? I don’t want to give up this job because there are few opportunities where I live. If I hold on for just one more summer, I’ll be off probation and finally leave this god forsaken area. I’m trying to spend my time studying for an in-demand certification because I know with at least some experience, a degree, and certification, I’ll be able to hopefully land a much better job. But at the same time, I’m miserable, bored, depressed, and not growing. I always under the impression that school can only teach you so much and bosses and coworkers are supposed to teach you the skills that you need to be successful or at least teach you the things you are supposed to be doing everyday instead of wasting your time. Sorry, this was so long. Any advice would deeply appreciate.