Granted. Your awareness slowly dims. Things that used to bother you are harder to recall. As you become more and more happy, the difficulties that once plagued you are resolved in ways that require less interaction from you. As this happens, your ability to discern things that displease you gradually also diminish.

Your partner, seeing that you are no longer concerned about their issues, eventually leaves. You are not concerned about this, as it leaves your life in a less complicated state.

Similarly, you are asked to leave your place of work and never return due to your inability to comprehend criticism or respond to correction. This is well also, as you no longer need to bother with leaving your home.

As you sit on your couch, you reflect on how great life is. You have a quiet home, fresh water, and clean air to breathe. The electronics on your home have given up making noise long ago, and your body stopped feeling hunger. There is no need to fear running out of water as the utility company will typically wait a few months before it would be disconnected.

You struggle for a moment to connect why a few months later is not a concern. There was a reason, but it seems unimportant in the moment.

This moment is good. Let’s. Stay. Right. Here.

Granted. From now on, every night, you have dreams that are your life but a better version where you are happier. In one, you get a pet. In another, you leave everything behind and move to a tropical island. In yet another, you learn to play a music instrument and get really really good.

And then you wake up.

Granted. Your doctor takes pity on you and prescribes a lifelong one-time dose of fentanyl.

Granted. Your face is stuck with a permanent smile on it, you look happier.

Granted! Your capacity for sadness no longer exists. Be careful at funerals.

Granted. You are now brimming with glee 100% of the time, even when it’s completely inappropriate. Now everyone at your grandma’s funeral thinks you’re an insensitive asshole.