• jerkface@lemmy.ca
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    1 year ago

    They would not be agreeing with us. They would be agreeing with a facile image that you would have us project in place of us. That’s not okay. If we have to pretend to be something other than what we are for their support, then they are not our allies!

    You seem to have the view that people are kinky just to be difficult or something. You don’t accept people telling you that is what they are. So you’re never going to see eye to eye with the people who are being marginalized.

    • Stumblinbear
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      1 year ago

      My guy, you’re assuming absolutely everyone at pride is into the same kinky shit you are. Just because you’re gay, doesn’t mean you’re kinky and just because you’re kinky doesn’t mean you’re gay. You’re putting them together as if they’re the same and that if you don’t support kink in public then you don’t support gay people at all. This is incorrect.

      • jerkface@lemmy.ca
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        1 year ago

        No, I am not. You are assuming that kink is an affectation that can just be taken off like a rainbow flag button. I’m not saying that you don’t support gay people, I’m saying you only support them if they are not kinky! Tell me otherwise.

          • Gaywallet (they/it)@beehaw.orgM
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            1 year ago

            You’re both welcome to have your own opinion, but please do not insult each other because you have a differing opinion on what behavior is acceptable in public

            • Stumblinbear
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              1 year ago

              I wasn’t insulting anyone. I forget exactly what the comment said, but I have not targeted any specific person in my responses. If it was one where I said “you” I was not specifically talking in regards to the person I was replying to, it was likely an example and not intended to target any specific person.

              • Gaywallet (they/it)@beehaw.orgM
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                1 year ago

                Things were getting a little heated between you two. Your removed comment is accessible via the modlog if you want specifics (moderation is transparent here), but mostly I just want to be sure we’re keeping things around here nice

              • balerion@beehaw.orgOP
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                1 year ago

                I read your comment in the modlog. My response would be that no one’s boundaries are violated merely by seeing a person who is visibly kinky in public, any more than they are violated by seeing someone who is visibly queer in public. For more in-depth reasoning as to why, I would refer you to this Tumblr post: https://i.imgur.com/ZuTbOq0.png

                To be clear about something, I am responding to most of the things you say here because, well, you’re a gay furry. I’m a queer kinkster. People like you and I need one another, because if we fringe weirdos don’t defend one another, who will? I’d like to believe that we’re on the same side. I know I’ll fight for your rights when it comes down to it. I would do it without reciprocation, but I hope you can be convinced to do the same for me.

                • Stumblinbear
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                  1 year ago

                  I never claimed I was being forced to participate, only that it does, in fact, violate boundaries to do so.

                  There’s a massive difference between “furry” and “kinky.” Walking around in a dog costume does not immediately mean it’s for kinky or sexual reasons, and to assume so, while not a huge leap considering how much of the fandom is pretty open about their sexuality, is just largely incorrect. I’m personally not one to engage in a lot of that behavior, so I don’t appreciate the comparison. The same can not be said for blatant kink gear.

                  Again, I want to reiterate: you do you. I won’t stop anyone from going out like that, freedom of speech and expression and all that, but I certainly won’t respect or associate with them.

                  • balerion@beehaw.orgOP
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                    1 year ago

                    Seeing someone wearing kink gear tells you absolutely nothing about their sex life. There are plenty of people who participate exclusively in nonsexual kink. Your assumption that seeing someone in a leather harness means you know how they fuck is akin to someone who only knows about the furry community via pop culture assuming that they know how someone in a fursuit fucks. In both cases this is a mark of ignorance about the subculture, and the solution is greater visibility and education rather than expressing disgust that someone dares to participate in a subculture you don’t understand.

                    You are, of course, allowed to disrespect people who are visibly kinky. But I am also allowed to believe this makes you rather shitty at supporting sexual minorities and is probably rooted in internalized sex negativity and queerphobia. There is nothing more sexual or violating about seeing someone in BDSM gear than there is in seeing a lingerie commercial. Furthermore, your willingness to respect someone should not depend on whether they do things that cause you discomfort but are ultimately harmless.

              • jerkface@lemmy.ca
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                1 year ago

                You said that you would not respect me because I am an inconsiderate asshole. The discussion is over, but I’m not about to let you lie about it.

                • Stumblinbear
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                  1 year ago

                  When the word “you” is used in a sentence, it can have different meanings depending on the context. While it typically refers to the person or people being directly addressed, there are instances where “you” is used more generally as a way to represent any individual or individuals, often as an example. As you may not know, this usage is known as the generic “you.”

                  The generic “you” is a way of speaking that addresses people in a broader sense, without specifically targeting any particular individual. It is often used to discuss general truths, common experiences, or provide advice or instructions.

                  If you need further explanation as to how English conversations work, do let me know!

                  • jerkface@lemmy.ca
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                    1 year ago

                    In future you can prevent needlessly calling people assholes by using the pronoun “one”. It is a way of speaking that addresses people in a broader sense, without specifically targeting any particular individual. It is often used to discuss general truths, common experiences, or provide advice or instructions. I offer tutoring.

                    You know, an even better way to avoid that situation is just to not call people assholes in veiled insults. This was your opportunity to apologize. I’m blocking you.