It’s been almost 8 months since I graduated Uni. No one wants to hire a student with no experience. Been living in my parents basement for all that time. Been working nearly every single day trying to better myself for a job to no avail. Been drowning in debt for nearly 10 years. Mom hasn’t been able to work due to health problems. Dad just diagnosed with the worst possible disease you can think about so he can’t work. It all falls to me to work. Family had to resort to a social assistance to pay the basics requirement for bills. Owe Sister and aunts money. All my friends have moved away or too busy to talk or do anything. Last meaningful relationship, which entails just talking and doing nothing more, was about 5 years ago. And no matter what I do, who I turn to for help, how much I kill myself trying to get a job, how much I try to better this situation, it all ends up with another rejection email, another message left on read, another email with no response, and more debt that I can never repay back.

Yeah, I get why villains want to destroy the world in movies. The world sucks, everyone sucks, there’s no good people in this world. Miracles don’t exist, dreams are just imaginary, everyone doesn’t care about you or what you’re going through.

And like everything else I’ve tried doing to help, this won’t get any attention. It seems like the universe forgot I existed or just made me to torment me. Because it just seems that I’m just a shadow in a dark place.

Forgotten and alone.

  • serpentofnumbers@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    13·
    11 months ago

    I’ve felt this way quite often in my life, including recently, and I usually get through it by focusing on the small moments that I can enjoy. But reading your words and thinking about that feeling again this time made me think “I should do a random act of kindness for someone”. It sounds cheesy and kinda pointless, but helping someone else or doing a random nice thing for someone else can sometimes make the world seem like a better place. And when the world seems like a better place, it has the potential to become that. I guess it’s the old “be the change you want to see in the world” thing.

    This is all stuff people have told me over the years when I’ve sought help for depression, and I usually brushed it off, to be honest. But I empathize with your words, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel the hopelessness about the world that I’ve felt, so I thought “maybe a niceness would prevent that feeling for someone else”.

    Idk, I’m rambling now, but I hope this makes sense. And I hope you (and I) find a way to feel better about the potential of our world, as opposed to its apparent current state.