Equanimity, a key ingredient of mindfulness meditation, helps people face life’s ups and downs
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A fair question is why anyone would want to be fully aware of intensely negative or painful experiences. But what might sound like a punishing choice—to embrace suffering or distress—may in some instances be helpful. A stream of scientific articles suggests that there are benefits in turning toward discomfort or upsetting emotions with acceptance. In addition, all of us can gain from finding ways to cope with stress and unhappiness—particularly when the circumstances are beyond our control. As a researcher who has studied meditation for more than 20 years, I believe that the cultivation of equanimity, a central element of certain mindfulness-meditation practices, can help.
It’s important to first define the idea of turning toward discomfort. I’m not advocating for people to put themselves in dangerous or excruciating positions. But when we push ourselves into challenging or discomfiting situations, much like trainers who push athletes just past their comfort zone to make gains, learning often happens. Indeed, a 2022 study involving more than 2,000 people demonstrated that the participants who were explicitly encouraged to push themselves into awkward, uncomfortable situations across multiple domains—including taking improv classes to boost self-confidence and reading about opposing political viewpoints—later reported the greatest degree of personal growth.
I like thinking about this in relation to acquired tastes. Many tastes for things like music, food, etc are acquired. We can like to think its some magical communication with our inner soul, or some reflection of identity that we can use to differentiate us, but really, most can be acquired with some effort and exposure time. It’s frequently a result of a sum of choices and random chance through your own personal history, even if you weren’t thinking about it that way at the time.
So, from this perspective, the more tastes you acquire, the more things there are in the world for you to enjoy.
Food in particular is something I look at this way. That said, there are some that might not be worth the personal effort. It’s like investment, and you have limited mental, emotional and chronological resources to invest with.
But I didn’t always like beer, wine and coffee for instance. Or heavy metal music. Or anime. That was all acquired, usually intentionally. Beer took, like, a year maybe, of intentionally subjecting myself to something I disliked the taste of. And it was good beer too, not like Bud or Miller or some shit.
This is how I learned to like a lot of things too. That said, some things like beer taste so bad to me that it’s not worth powering through, especially since alcohol is not healthy
So while you’re at it, just go ahead and bend over…
If you personally adopt a culture where strength and power is the most valued thing, then yes, inflexibility is preferable. You want to be the one that hurts others, not the one that gets hurt.
But, that is not a healthy trait in all societies and circumstances. It’s very environmental and circumstantial, having to do with personal and social expectations.
One can have toughness and allow vulnerability simultaneously though, and it actually takes far greater strength to do so. Has its rewards, if ones surroundings permit it. Not all do.
I mean, I get that, and I pretty much agree with the premise of the article. But like most things in media, stories like this aren’t really published for the sake of bettering ourselves.
