Legally, haven’t started. Not super important to me, it’s pretty far down the dysphoria tier list.
Physically, (I know you didn’t ask but I care) I realized that body hair and balding were the main triggers for my dysphoria, so after talking to my wife about it, I got a prescription for finastride and a laser hair removal thingy. Using those the last week or so has been super gender affirming (and itchy).
Emotionally, this has been really hard on my wife. She doesn’t perform gender, and the only connection she feels to her gender is her sex, so she feels that her womanhood is threatened by me fully coming out. If I am a woman because I feel like a woman, then what does that make her, when she doesn’t have a specific attachment to her gender? The newest compromise is that I can be as fem as I want, but I’m still her husband, not her wife. I’m trying to tell her that if she wants to be a woman, even in a “don’t let go of what I have” way, that’s totally valid, but if she just drops the gender completely and goes they/them or xe/xer, that’s also totally valid. We are going to make this work somehow.
Socially, my sister is throwing a little superb owl party this weekend, so most of my family (and no one else) will be at this party, so it’s time to rip the 30 year old bandaid off and come out. Since I’m still in negotiations with the wife, it’ll be phrased “struggling with gender dysphoria and being more fem helps so much” instead of a full “My name is Amber, please refer to me with she/her pronouns.” I’m expecting a lot of acceptance and questions.
Spiritually (I know you didn’t ask but I care) I found a verse that is very specifically trans affirming. No idea how I missed it every time I read Isaiah. "For thus says the Lord: “To the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, And choose what pleases Me, And hold fast My covenant, Even to them I will give in My house And within My walls a place and a name Better than that of sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name That shall not be cut off." Isaiah 56:4-5 NKJV. I’ve been trying to find a way to reconcile my faith with my gender identity forever, so reframing eunuchs as trans people and then doing a study has brought me much peace. My wife is still struggling to reconcile being bi with her faith. She didn’t have to worry about it as she could just marry a guy and ignore the bi, but she did the most bi thing possible and married a closeted transfem, so now she has to confront it. It’s a process, we’ll see where we end up.
Sorry this is long winded, but your question gave me the framework needed to actually put everything down into words, so thank you for that.
Amber, I’m glad you found a spot to put all your thoughts and feelings down. It always helps to articulate them.
Sounds like things are rocky with you and your wife right now. I hope y’all can work things out, but don’t be afraid to move on if the need arises. You have to let yourself bloom into the woman you are, or you will starve yourself of blossoming.
I’m curious what an owl party is. I’ve never heard the term.
I’m from a very Christian culture and upbringing, despite renouncing the faith at the ripe old age of nine. I still go to church every Sunday to socialize. Even though the denomination I was raised in is one of the better ones in terms of acceptance (United Methodist), it still didn’t spare me from religious trauma and internalized ideas that I’m still working though. Not saying it’s Christianity by itself, but the flavor that’s been used for fundementalist christofacism in the US has been a lot of deconstruct for me.
It’s funny, I’ve met some of the worst people in the world who are Christians, and some of the sweetest, most genuine people who are Christians too. Don’t let anyone twist your faith to where you lose sight of loving your neighbor. I’m glad you have found some answers in your faith. I wish you all the best in your journey. Listen to your heart.
If God does indeed exist, they created you to be fearfully and wonderfully made.
“For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with gratitude.” Timothy 4:4
“Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.” Proverbs 21:35
“Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you.” Phillipians 3:15
It’s a Superb Owl Party. This Sunday at 6:30 PM Eastern time. Eating wings and cheering for the red team.
My wife and I are going to make it, I wasn’t expecting to get to transition ever, so her being ok with me going all the way to femboy is a great start and huge strides in a new direction. We are talking through this like adults, we love each other, and we are determined to make this work.
Thanks for the affirmation, most people seem to think that LGBT and Christianity should be at war with each other, so being both is a whole different challenge.
Gotcha. Hope ya get some tasty wings and KC wins.
Glad y’all are gonna make it. It takes longer for some than others to accept and embrace, but I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait. You got this.
The Bible is a radical book, and yet it seems that the people in power like to use it to enforce the status quo. Not too long ago they were using cherry picked verses to justify segregation and slavery. Your personal relationship with God is far greater than that of a temporary political agenda.
🩵🩵🩷🩷🤍🤍🩷🩷🩵🩵
Emtionally it’s fine for me right now although I feel like in a sort of limbo right now because, socially I pretty much completed my transition. Every person I care about (except a few people from my family who I don’t see that often) call me by my chosen name and use my prefered pronouns and they of course know I’m trans and accept that. Fortunately I didn’t make any negative experiences yet that are related to coming out or just being trans. Currently my brother is the person who slips up the most with my new name but I think that will pass with time. Right now I’m waiting for my first endocrinologist appointment at the beginning of march to start my HRT. Legally I’m waiting for the new law in Germany to change my name and gender marker but with how it’s looking right now that won’t be until late next year or never unfortunately.
Glad you’ve got some accepting people in your life. Hope the first appointment goes well.
What’s going on in Germany right now with the laws?
Right now to change your name and your gender marker you have to follow the old law from like 1980 oder 1970 and for that you need 2 psychiatric appraisals(?) which cost more than 1000 EUR and a judge has to decide in your favor. With the new law you would just go to your registry office and say you want to change your name and gender marker and pay like 60 EUR and that’s it.
Edit: The old law is called “Transsexuellengesetz” and the new one is called “Selbstbestimmungsgesetz” if you want to read more about it. Don’t know how much there is to read in English.
That’s wild that a law that archaic wasn’t changed sooner there (though it’s a remarkably similar process in my US state). That would improve many lives. Hope it passes as soon as possible. Best of luck to you.
I got my name and gender change which was really easy and the judge was very supportive c:
You certainly lucked out. Glad all went well and your docs are updated. Was it expensive to do?
Nope! A trans legislator in my state recently passed a law that made it very easy to do overall
Holy shit. That’s amazing. It’s good to know there’s at least some progress being made.
I’m currently stuck in one of the worst states to be trans in, but I’m planning on moving to a better one soon to get everything sorted out. Only problem with that is the birth certificate (those can only be amended in the birth state, right?). I wish the legislators here wouldn’t be such assholes.
So far going well. I’ve been working on my voice for about 3 months now and I feel like it’s now somewhere between androgynous and feminine. I also will be getting my name changed in a few months so I’m very excited for that.
Socially, things are going well kind of. My only friend (she’s also trans) decided to join the army and I’m worried for her, but she says it’s something she wants to do. It was very surprising to me when she told me because she is very kind and soft. Idk how well she will do there. One positive thing is that I’ve been out to the world for a little over 6 months now, and I haven’t had anyone give me any shit for being trans and I feel very accepted.
Glad things are going well. Sounds like you’ve got a bright future ahead of you. Having people who support and accept you makes all of the difference in the world.
Funnily enough, I’m in the same situation. My friend who is trans wants to go into the military too because under Biden they will cover transition. But it’s like…it’s the military, dude. That can change at the drop of the hat. But it’s his life, not mine, so there’s only so much I can do to dissuade him from it.
That’s the same reason why my friend is going too. As much as I think it’s a bad idea, it is her life and she says she’s excited for it, so I guess I have to be excited for her too.
Nah, you don’t have to pretend to be excited for her if you aren’t. All you have to do is respect the choice that she makes after giving her your input on it.
Good thing is that they don’t put trans people on the front lines since they are reliant on medication. She will more likely than not come out of it physically unscathed. Coming out mentally unscathed is a whole other beast.
She is going to be a combat medic, which according to her means she’s going to be on the front lines with a group of soldiers, although she won’t be doing any fighting herself.
I have a lot of family members that were in the military including my father, so they understand what it’s like. I grew up with my parents telling me to never join the military and how bad it is, which means I’m biased against it, although my bias is based off the opinions of people that were actually in it.
I’m honestly more worried than excited for her. She does have problems with anxiety and depression, but she’s never saught treatment so she’s able to hide it from them. I’m very worried that she will get killed or come out of it with an even worse mental state. She does seem to be very excited to do it and I’m glad that she’s excited, although I’m still very worried.
Combat medic is better than solider, but still not ideal. I have an aunt who was an epidemiologist in the military, and she’s only been in a couple of dangerous situations, fortunately. From what she said, the sexism was pretty bad.
That’s worrying indeed. There’s a reason they screen for those conditions. Even previously mentally stable people will lose their shit. I hope she’ll come back to her senses and consider an alternate career path.
