Unfinished Tumblr Post Transcription:

boss-of-armadildos

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phoneticmeow

I love when my boyfriend showers at my house cause I get to lean against the door and hear him quietly scream

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phoneticmeow

NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HES A METAL VOCALIST HE PRACTICES IN THW SHOWER I DO NOT TORTURE MY BOYFRIEND

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initiala

Killed ANOTHER FREAKING CANADIAN SOLDIER. How do they keep getting into my house?! Stop!!

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initiala

It occurs to me that people might not know that this is another name for a maylfy. I am not being infiltrated by humans from Canada.

[Screenshot of Discord]

guilty ghoul

move to nyc. eat balls all day

BAGELS [The message did not send properly]

real crispies

🤨

?

guilty ghoul

BAGELS.

DISCORD ISN’T SENDING MY MESSAGES HELP

[doey ! and real krispies are typing…]

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kratt09

people who don’t wear glasses are so weird like you just wake up and your eyes are pussy fresh??

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kratt09

thats not the word I meant to use

[Screenshot of a Reddit post on the subreddit r/Montessori]

How to put a baby down

Edit: I MEANT HOW TO PUT HIM TO SLEEP 🙈

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Anonymous asked:

being mailed is enrichment for us girls

predstrogen answered:

good girls get USPS and bad girls get fedex to dump them in a ditch

predestrogen

Anonymous asked:

MAULED fuck

GET IN THE ENVELOPE.

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the worst part about being an adult is thay its no longer socially acceptable to just roll down a really big hill and then run back up it and roll back down again. “oh is this a syphilis metaphor” passerby would ask. “is this for a tick tock”. no i just wanna come home covered in dirt and scratches and bask in the the solace of childlike mirth

dishsaop

[Screenshot of Discord in this post]

Saf

was that a comedic mixup of sisyphus and syphilis

dishesaop

what

wait

SISYPHUS. FUCKING AUTOCORRECT.

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dartagnanromance

fuck algebra i don’t need it just give me a dead body and i’ll figure it out from there

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dartagnanromance

i feel i should clarify i am a mortuary science major

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cuuno-moved

sonic the lesbian is a hedghog

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cuuno-moved

wait i fucked it up.

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cuuno-moved

guys stop reblogging this.

[Screenshot of a Tumblr post]

infectiouspiss

they should invent joints that don’t hurt

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infectiouspiss

[Screenshot of the comments on this post]

pissditching

how tf are you smoking them that it hurts

pissditching

Oh shit do you mean like bones

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Anonymous asked:

so, like, what do you think about chihuahuas???

actuallycuteanimals answered:

They are a lovely and very underrated fish

wAIT

DOG.

I MEANT DOG

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conzoop

roomate reminded me how good Hole is

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conzoop

the band the band the band the grunge band with frontwoman Courtney Love the BAND THE BAND THE BANDTHEBAND THE BAND TH

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toskarin

the oedipal task of doing the dishes

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toskarin

SISYPHEQN SISYPHEAN

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one hour into writing this and I’m taking a break

Miscockulation.

The clarification on the baby one doesn’t make it any better lol