Imposter syndrome sucks, doesn’t it. I’ve been a professional software developer and engineer for more than two decades, and I still find myself worrying people will realize I have no idea what I’m talking about, even on topics where I absolutely know what I’m talking about.
Especially on topics where I absolutely know what I’m talking about.
The “make it” step is already happening. It just doesn’t feel like it, because there is no single moment the switch occurs, no time you can point to and say, “before that I was putting all my effort into presenting as a competent person, and after that I just was a competent person.” The mental effort to see yourself that way will always be there.
What changes is the degree of effort it takes, and that change is gradual.
Ugh. I just finished dealing with what turned out to be a simple configuration problem that took me three days because the tool’s documentation sucked. Turned it in feeling bad only to hear that four other devs had previously failed to get it to work.
One important lesson on life is that everyone is bumbling around all the time. (Like me with autocorrect in the first version of this comment…)
Yes, absolutely. And when I get kudos for accomplishing something like that, I always have to fight myself to allow myself to feel like I’ve earned them and not go, “If I were smarter and not a complete fraud, I’d have solved it sooner.”
What I’ve learned is that if I solve it in a day, my brain will try to make me think half a day would have been better, and if I solve it in half a day, my brain will try to make me think four hours would have been better. Rinse and repeat.
Sometimes my brain will do everything it can to sabotage any feeling of accomplishment I might have. And I’ve had to learn how to say, “No, fuck you, brain… I did this, and I deserve to feel good about it.”
Imposter syndrome sucks, doesn’t it. I’ve been a professional software developer and engineer for more than two decades, and I still find myself worrying people will realize I have no idea what I’m talking about, even on topics where I absolutely know what I’m talking about.
Especially on topics where I absolutely know what I’m talking about.
The “make it” step is already happening. It just doesn’t feel like it, because there is no single moment the switch occurs, no time you can point to and say, “before that I was putting all my effort into presenting as a competent person, and after that I just was a competent person.” The mental effort to see yourself that way will always be there.
What changes is the degree of effort it takes, and that change is gradual.
Ugh. I just finished dealing with what turned out to be a simple configuration problem that took me three days because the tool’s documentation sucked. Turned it in feeling bad only to hear that four other devs had previously failed to get it to work.
One important lesson on life is that everyone is bumbling around all the time. (Like me with autocorrect in the first version of this comment…)
Yes, absolutely. And when I get kudos for accomplishing something like that, I always have to fight myself to allow myself to feel like I’ve earned them and not go, “If I were smarter and not a complete fraud, I’d have solved it sooner.”
What I’ve learned is that if I solve it in a day, my brain will try to make me think half a day would have been better, and if I solve it in half a day, my brain will try to make me think four hours would have been better. Rinse and repeat.
Sometimes my brain will do everything it can to sabotage any feeling of accomplishment I might have. And I’ve had to learn how to say, “No, fuck you, brain… I did this, and I deserve to feel good about it.”