Best webnovels ever!

Yeah, great series!

I’m 34, so part of the problem getting help is that I’m old enough I’m supposed to “have my shit together” but… problems. So I’m too young for “later life” help and too old for “youth” help. I’m also trans and (likely) AuADHD and have a physically sickening fear of thresholds (phone calls, leaving), can barely stand confrontations (and even that’s thanks to meds they’re not gonna be letting me get, despite their lies about worrying about my health) and stuck in Oklahoma, so difficulties everywhere. As for blockers to getting out:

1. I’m actively afraid to unlock my room’s door, ever. BioDad is verbally abusive and acts like he’s going to beat me every time he thinks he can get by with it. I’m terrified of even being seen any more. I eat/drink/bathe rarely and only when I’m quite sure they’re both asleep or out of the house.
2. I’m overwhelmed trying to figure out what to even do. Temporary housing seems unavailable outside of getting a hotel room, and that won’t last long. As long as it does last, it’s quickly burning up my ability to do anything more permanent. Do I try to find a cheap, shit apartment or roommate arrangement here? Do I move to one of a dozen or so bluer, safer states? Places like MN Transplant offer lots of resources that may help but a list of resources isn’t a plan, it’s a pile of stuff I don’t even know whether to focus on let alone have a clear idea what to do with.

I’ve been given only a week to get out. This is better than their original idea, which was to call the cops on me to kill me, throw me into jail, “institutionalize” me, or at least throw me directly out with nothing, but not as good as the thirty days’ notice required by law. I guess the cop with the Punisher tat didn’t mention that when he was explaining that they can’t just have the cops throw me out to die miles from the nearest town. Anyway, I feel backed into a corner and it’s hard to even think. I have some credit, and some money in the (joint-ownership!) bank that I’m trying to get into my PayPal (not great, but it’s what I have) account, but that transfer takes time and every day I delay wrecks my mental state a bit more. If I manage to get myself a hotel room, every day also burns a bunch of money. So I spend each day totally screwed up struggling to survive everyone in the house including myself, and I’m not even sure I can. I’m not even sure I should. I’m even afraid of getting myself into a position where “living” is the only option.

Idunno if it’s normal, or being a pampered ass, or some kinda autism thing but hard to imagine getting out of here unless one of:

1. I’ve got a clear idea that I can move forward, and how. Someone to cling to, at least. Maybe a solid idea of where I can or should go, where I can get enough income to survive and a reasonably safe place to live. I feel horribly lost and alone and I’d rather be poor with someone good than… I don’t even know. Thrash about desperately hoping a life appears?
2. Someone brings a “me-sized” bag.

[rant?] Also I’m not even sure these monsters want me gone. I think they want me to cry and beg for them to let me stay. Why else take my car keys? Why call the cops to evict me instantly, knowing (she managed an apartment place!) how the eviction process actually works? She threw me out once before and before I was even gone she was pulling her usual (life-long) exploiting-my-mental-issues BS trying to get me to stay, then just begging me to stay. When I failed to grow a life and ended up back here, she swore she’d never throw me out again. … Yeah sure, anyway I’m not sure whether she specifically wants me dead or not but I’m afraid neither one is actually willing to let me leave. He’ll do whatever she says and the worst he thinks he can get by with other than that. [/rant]

tl;dr: My mental state and status are fucked and getting fuckeder and I guess I need hand-holding 🤷 I’m afraid to even leave my room and feel like I’ve got only one shot but there’s no clear shot to take so I’m lost and confused and overwhelmed and afraid of everything, and that’s when I’m not just curled up crying and thinking of dying.

Sounds like every conservative’s wet dream.

That sounds more like the reason why a person would need a therapist to begin with, rather than any kind of actual treatment.

Note that even what we pejoratively call “training like a dog” is so obsolete that I’ve seen/read more than one dog trainer get a bit offended for comparing their profession to ABA. Ultimately, the problem with ABA is that it assumes that the object to be worked with isn’t a subject worthy of being considered sentient, or of being capable of accurately expressing their needs or preferences, or that their mental processes are either too obscure or too wrong to even begin to take them into consideration, but rather that it’s just a very simple organism that you have to punish or reward until it learns to pretend to appear “human enough” in your eyes.

You’d think we would have shelved it already when we already know a lot in the differences in the mental processes of autistic people.

No, it’s not that. It’s a form of therapy that is highly controversial, and mostly stems from the observation that autistic humans can be brought to “behave” like “normal people” if they are sufficiently conditioned to do that. Yet, it is not founded in religious BS, but rather a result of behavioral approaches to psychology that have been very popular, especially in the US and Canada at least since the 60s (like many addiction-therapies and such). Behavioral therapies aren’t bad outright, but have spawned some questionable offspring (like all approaches in medicine tend to do). “Conversion camps” are such offspring. Regarding ABA: While many studies indicate that ABA does, in fact, bring autistic people to behave more like non-autistic people, that in itself is not evidence that the therapy is working. If depressive people behave like I want them to and get out of bed to clean the house because I hold a gun to their head, they are not “cured”. The same goes for this kind of therapy. There are merits to the principles of the approaches bundled under the term “ABA”, but the line between “helping Autistic people” and “torturing autistic people” is razor-thin. Unfortunately, many approaches that call themselves “ABA” are crossing that line, as do many therapists who deny people breaks or meals, or worse.

You know? Humans are cruel dumpster fires of bullshit once they think what they do is right and “for the best”.

I’m going to disagree with the other comment and claim that you’ve made a very good observation. Even though conversion therapies and ABA may somewhat differ in their methods, the both of them are born from the basis of wanting to use operant conditioning on humans, and ignore everything else that we’ve learned about the psychology and neurology of humans that explain why it’s a dogshit idea.

Some people think it’s some kind of autism cure. It’s just understanding the reasons behind behaviors in order to increase behaviors that are desirable and decrease behaviors that are undesirable. Problems could arise from what ends up being defined as undesirable behavior and how that reinforcement is done but that’s true of basically anything with the goal of changing behaviors.

My wife is autistic and studied it herself because it helped her understand all the “social bullshit” as she called it.

That sounds like a euphemism for hitting people.

so… like CBT, but you don’t enjoy the torture-part nearly as much?