It’s not that I can’t. The problem is that when I’m with someone, I deeply yearn to be alone. I’d love to have my life for myself, with no responsibility with no one else - just me.
But then, when I’m alone, I feel like a failure, like I need a relationship to feel complete, and I fucking hate that. So I end up in another relationship, and after two years I can’t stand it anymore, and the cycle repeats.
What the hell. Has anyone suffered from something like that? How can you be alone and not feel lonely? How to kill this need to be with someone?
EDIT: Thanks for all the answers, I’m taking every single one into consideration. Please, keep them coming.
Look into “avoidant attachment styles”. (And, really, attachment styles in general.)
Perhaps even look into avoidant personality disorder and/or schizoid personality disorder. (I’m not diagnosing you or anything, but what you’re talking about is something I’ve heard frequently in relation to schizoid personality disorder. I’m not quite as familiar with avoidant personality disorder, but it’s sometimes described as “a lesser kind of schizoid personality disorder.” Also, don’t confuse “schizoid” and “schizophrenia.” They’re very different things.)
This isn’t the answer you asked for, but perhaps a relationship with someone who likes their personal space as much as you do would work out. It might not be the most “traditional” sort of relationship you could find, but it might work out well.
But more to your question, the best answer that I can come up with is therapy.
That’s really interesting, I’ll look into it. I’m doing therapy for a year now and decided to ask here to see if you people could give me insights to talk to my therapist. I’ll take these to her too, thank you very much.
I read about those you pointed out and the avoidant attachment style ticks some boxes… It’s definitely something I’ll bring up on the next session, thanks!
Hopefully it ends up helping! Best of luck. :)