We just celebrated nonbinary parents day for me yesterday in our household.

Although my parents are conservative they did not always meet typical gender roles. My mom was more nurturing and also the breadwinner/disciplinarian of the household. My dad did more help with my schoolwork, did a lot to show me how to garden/cook, and helped me to really enjoy reading. Both taught me about the value of good work ethics, how to use a chainsaw, and how to have a sense of humor.

The biggest takeaway that I have though is that religious ideology and toxic masculinity caused my dad to have a more distant relationship with me than we could have had. Even now I struggle to have a conversation longer than 5 minutes with him on the phone, but my mom keeps telling me how much he likes to talk to me and how much it means to him when I visit.

My kid is a bit older than 2 and a half, and he tends to view me as the comfort parent because I’m the parent with enough upper body strength to still hold him for an hour or longer. He also likes to brush my hair after a shower and do gardening/composting with me. I also tend to be the goofier parent and am enthusiastic during play time.

My wife does more reading and baking with him. They make up songs together and she loves to try to get him to think critically about the world. My wife also loves to talk with family and friends on the phone, so she involves him in those conversations and works to plan playdates and other activities.

Ultimately being a parent to me means listening to my kids needs, educating him on a number of topics, and as needed being an authority figure that helps keep him inline and well mannered. No one is going to be perfect at it and what will work for one kid might not work for the next.