the only times i’ve ever been employed and made a livable wage while doing it was at a job with policies like this, and it was because I was basically the only employee they had ever found that could comply with such absurd expectations. You have to miss a day at some point sooner or later. Which is why I no longer work there. Was being able to have that one dentist appointment 6 years ago worth it? No it was not.

share your x11 and wayland configs. Unless you’re one of those people that only needs 1 of them and hasn’t figured out how tf to get all that shit to work.

op either was unable to get hicolor graphics drivers to work or prefers the solid blue bar to the blue/light blue gradient. Back in the day this was known as being a noob. Now where did I put my dentures…?

You gotta get consent first for everything these days even wiping your own ass. One time I liked a facebook photo with a woman in it without asking for consent and someone found out. The fallout was so intense that I had to leave town and start a new life. Another time I asked a woman for consent to wipe my own ass and she called the cops on me. MY BAD, I forgot to ask for consent to ask consent FIRST.

Cum will win.

Cum will win

Yes but you can always reset your virginity by pooping in the womens’ restroom. And I don’t mean in the toilet.

Some people haven’t ever been banned from Applebee’s for asking staff about their anal virginity over and over even after repeated warnings and it shows.

I like crayons better. Do they make crayon flavored lotion?

If you put red bull in your coffee machine instead of water you’ll be hearing colors and seeing sounds. Try that, then maybe you’ll find it.

This is how cum will win.

Babies are what you get when you keep cum as a pet. The real question is why do people even do that? Its fucked up! Which reminds me, I have a cumbox to go cumming in. unzips

Cum will win.

Last time I tried to get through airport security with a baggie of my own shit I got in trouble.

I bet I can high five your ass through the screen. I have experience in this considering I once got promoted to mod of a subreddit by spamming ass pictures every single day for months until they went to ban me but accidentally pressed the wrong button and promoted me instead.

Depends. If I fit an entire boob into my mouth does that count as half a pair of balls? What about the time that one guy fit an entire basketball up his ass without waiting before marriage does that count, since your ass is connected to your mouth and is basically the same thing? By that logic I could fit at least a pair of cocks in my mouth, no homo though.

Paw patrol porn used to be a real place. Not that I know anything about it.

hmm good point. When they shut down r/PoopIsland just to escape my shitposts about poop (they seriously shut it down because they didn’t want people talking about poop anymore) I kind of just got salty about it, but that was years ago.

I could post indisputable proof that cum did indeed win but it would be, ahem, highly inappropriate. Maybe there’s a community on lemmynsfw that wouldn’t ban me for doing it.

Here is a diagram of how my neighbor stole my beer.

No but I used to cum on my own poop so my sister who I was living with at the time wouldn’t find out I cum. I’ve seen enough pornhub to know what happens if she ever found out. If I never have to cum into a loaded toilet again for stealth reasons it’ll be too soon.

You know when you’re trying to take a shit in the morning but it doesn’t come out so you try really hard and all you get are a few little poo pebbles so you just say fuck it and go to work but then 30 minutes later you have an ass full of bubbling shit that you have to hold in until you have a chance to let it all go and its one of those shits that no amount of single-molecule-thick ply work toilet paper can wipe?

That flavor.

You know how sometimes you can smell an ass from all the way across the room but sometimes it doesn’t smell unless you do a really up-close sniff? You take the square root of the volume times pi r squared and divide that by cum and thats the ass to smell ratio.

Fart into a balloon first and then nail the fart balloons to the wall