Long story short, I’ve known that I was trans long before I had even heard the word. There were signs as early as 4 years old and I knew by the time I was 8. I’m in my late 30’s now and I had come to a kind of peace about not transitioning. It’s something that I want but because of life, family, and a lot of fear I decided not to.
Recently a very close friend who I’ve know for decades came out to me as a trans woman.
I want to tell her about myself but I’m worried about planting seeds of doubt about her transition because I’ve known I was trans for so long and yet haven’t started transitioning myself. I’m afraid that if I try and explain why that she might internalize my reasons. If that makes sense. I’ve never told anyone my truth and I’d so love to have someone to talk to about it. Especially since my friends transition is causing me to second guess myself.
I would appreciate some thoughts on whether I should tell my friend.
It’s made me extremely antisocial and basically incapable of functioning as an adult. I thought there was something very, very wrong with me, because here I was, an otherwise “normal” adult who just couldn’t function for seemingly no reason. I’d shoved the feelings away so well when I was a teenager (because I didn’t know that being trans was an option, among other things) that I forgot how bad they were. After coming out I suddenly began remembering all the self-hatred, self-disgust and so forth, and even though I haven’t started hrt yet, it’s made it way easier to love myself when I can look at my body and say, “it won’t be much longer…”
Who’s a good girl? You are! You’re a good girl! I know that you’re a good girl because you’re asking these kinds of questions about yourself and because you want to support your friend. I also know that if you’re anything like me then your feelings are currently doing backflips screaming, “that’s me, that’s me! Aaaaaaaaaaa, call me that again, again, again!”
Don’t wait sweetie, it sounds like you and your newly discovered trans friend have a lot of things you could do together, like trying to find cute clothes that fit! Just be careful you don’t accidentally overwhelm her, she’s going through some Big Feels too, but having you there will probably help a lot.
And try to avoid focusing on the imperfections. That was something I used for a long time to talk myself out of it. Try to find silver linings instead.
I believe in you sweetie, you can do it. Be the best girl you can be. I know you can!
Edit: oh yeah, if you’re into gaming and already have a decent PC, look into VRChat. VR headsets should be mandatory for trans people. 10/10 euphoria generator (though personally I found it difficult to get immersed until I got leg and hip trackers).
Thank you so so much
Also if you like being called a “good girl” and you’re not a furry, go get connected with some furry groups and tell them you like being called a good girl and you will get called it a lot. We love telling beans they’re good girls and good boys. (I highly recommend looking for local groups before branching out, and you might be surprised how many of us there are. Even if you don’t have IRL contact with them, knowing that you can reach out to them IRL makes a massive difference)