I can’t seem to shake imposter syndrome or doubts about whether I’m “trans” or whether I’m a woman, etc.
Just wondering what you all do when you feel that way, if you have any recommendations?
It makes me feel awful, there is so much commitment to a transition it feels like you have to be certain, but I just don’t have constant certainty.
Sometimes I’ll sit down and try to analyze it objectively, basically considering the “null hypothecis” - if I am not trans, then I would be cis, if I were cis then a certain set of things would be true (like, estrogen would probably not feel so great, testosterone would not make me depressed, etc.).
I’ve been on HRT for 2 months and I still have doubts occasionally. But then I think of stopping HRT and going back to how it was before and it fills me with absolute terror. That really helps with the doubts.
Deciding whether to start HRT in the first place was a bit more difficult, but it helped to realistically compare the two options. I could either start HRT and have a small probability of finding out it wasn’t right for me and regretting it. Or I could do nothing, but I already knew that I would regret that decision for the rest of my life. So I went with the better odds!
Yes, once I started HRT taking seriously the thought of stopping definitely shocks me back into affirming continuing HRT. I think sometimes I forget how bad it was before I was on HRT and it allows me to entertain delusional thinking, like that it’s all just placebo, etc.
Deciding HRT was definitely diagnostic for me as well, and it seems I clearly prefer it.