Ever since I came out to my wife and kids, and started being myself, my personality has changed, a lot. I’m more extroverted, weirdly enough. I’ve been a bit sharper with the kids, not in a mean way, but, more of a no-nonsense kinda way. I used to walk around the house naked all the time, but now I feel compelled to cover up. I blame a disconnect with my body on that one.
I feel more confident to just, go up and talk to people, ask if I can take their picture. I can make posts without second-guessing myself and deleting them.
I know it’s all just me finally getting in touch with myself, but it feels weird, even to me. I used to be this demure, quiet, self conscious girl, but now that I’m letting her out, she refuses to go back into the box. It’s like a seal was broken. I’m having anxiety about going to my nephews birthday party, cuz I’m not out to that part of my family, and most of them are fundamental Christians.
I did manage to talk to one of my brothers today, and he accepts me, though he has some bias. Basically told me if it was anyone else, he wouldn’t be so willing. So I have some work to do there. Or not, if I can’t help him see people as people.
Remember, everyone, not just the trans community: You are loved. You are valid. It’s okay for you to be you.
Oh I’ve always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. To a fault, even. I’ve been trying to keep a level head. You are right. Finding who I am, bringing her out of that cold, dark cell, it’s intoxicating. Thankfully, the wife and kids are around to help keep me in check.
Unfortunately, too, I think I’ve unlocked a new set of neuroses. I’m worried I’m obsessing too much about my body hair, and I’m worried I’ve not been feeding myself right. Then again, old me was known to binge eat when stressed, so maybe I’ve cut that out since I’m me now? Gosh, this stuff is so hard to put into words. I feel like I need to invent whole new words to describe how I feel.