Thereā€™s definitely some additional nuance (like a pronouns in bio/username situation) but this should cover the broad needs of anyone who is approaching this with good faith.

  • undergroundoverground@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    2
    Ā·
    edit-2
    13 hours ago

    The phrase is more of an indication of a lack of hostility on their part. Even something neutral like ā€œwhat country is thatā€ could come across as a bit confrontational, in English. It would almost be like asking the question with an assumption that you canā€™t answer because it wasnā€™t correct when clearly it is and they would just like to find out more.

    Theres a fair amount of performative politeness you have to go through to take the edges off of English. Itā€™s not just fake-ness, as it can sometimes come across to non-native speakers. As Iā€™m sure you know already, English is the a very information efficient amalgamation of 3 different languages. For example, some people find poetry and literature far more rich and descriptive in other languages. Due to it being particularly efficient at information exchange, it can also come across very blunt too.

    Just thought you deserved a proper answer, with context, as you were kind enough to give one yourself.

    • WIZARD POPEšŸ’«@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      1
      Ā·
      6 hours ago

      I see. But I think this was a bit too polite. In my opinion the better way to take off the edge would be to ask and then add ā€˜if you donā€™t mind me askingā€™ or If I may ask what country that is. Adding ā€˜if itā€™s okay to askā€™ seems almost like he asked me for my address or something that itā€™s not okay to ask people about.