i bet i could take a werewolf
edit: nvm
i’ll fight his dick with my ass
I’ll visit you in the hospital.
only if 10 minutes is the maximum, not the minimum. best wait the full 15-30 minutes for the knot to deflate so the pullout doesn’t turn my body inside out
They also never said you can’t do some warm-up stretches first. I’ll update the quest guide.
Are we still doing phrasing?
it’s overtly horny tho
Fighting along-side a werewolf would barely be a challenge.
I wouldn’t have even given it a second thought, but the addendum…
I could manage just fine, provided it’s daytime and/or there’s no full moon.
Just bring a gun its easy
It’s a werewolf, so it’s night. You’re in a forest (naturally).
Werewolf and you are at 100’ apart when bell sounds. Werewolf takes a step to the left and disappears behind a tree.
By the time you next see this magically-mutated apex predator he’s got his muscled, furry, warm arms around your body and his teeth are closing in on your throat. Your gun is useless at that range and you can’t think of anything else but the pounding of your heart in your chest.
Okay, but what if…
The werewolf sees the movement and takes his jaws off your neck, but he still has full human intelligence, so instead of chasing it he berates you for a moment for insulting his intelligence by thinking that would work. It’s a moment you don’t waste. You pick up a pointy stick off the ground and jab it in his eye as hard as you can. He shrieks and picks his forepaws up off the ground to clutch at his face. That means, if only for a moment, that he’s no longer pinning you to the ground. You take the opportunity to stand up and bolt, praying that you can outrun him long enough to hide behind a tree.
It’s a tense moment, but you do. He tries to sniff you out. You pull out another tennis ball, rub it under your armpit, and roll it towards him. He takes the bait. You sneak up behind him with a rock, ready to bash him over the head, when you step on a twig and he turns around…
15 hours later and still no ending to this choose your own adventure 😭
Do warewolves like treats?? The world may never know
Humans and canines both like treats provided they’re offered in the right context. Hand out candy to a classroom of kids or leave donuts in the office mess and see moods brighten.
But if the werewolf is going to be paid $100K to tear you in half, treats are not likely to work.
Pop Culture Detective did a recent video of his experiment trying to make friends on Fortnite (The Battle Royale) strong enough that other players will give up a LMS victory for mutuality. (One sacrificed themselves to give PCD the win). He died a lot since the game is built around antagonism, not mutuality.
He notes that the addition of cars, including cabs, have enticed some players to drive others around without violence, so camaraderie can prevail despite a narrative of violence.
Do I still have the gun?
This feels like a dark choose-your-own-adventure where every ending is either bad or worse
Or like an encounter with Shia LaBeouf
By the time you next see this magically-mutated apex predator he’s got his muscled, furry, warm arms around your body and his teeth are closing in on your throat. Your gun is useless at that range and you can’t think of anything else but the pounding of your heart in your chest.
hot
cant think of anything but pounding? sounds right
Fr
But instead of biting down hard enough to crush your jugular, he pauses. Tighens his grip. Exhales heavily. Licks your neck. Your nipples begin to harden. Its finally happening.
This is the fight I came here for.
I’m in for a capping match or a dance off, too.
The sound of something large and fast circling you snaps your out of your daydream. When did it get so dark? You reach towards your pocket, but there is no phone. You remember now, its at home charging by the couch.
You feel your pulse quicken as the sound of heavy footsteps keep circling you. The shadows of the trees make it hard to see anything clearly, but you still strain your eyes trying to catch a glimpse of whatever has found you out here.
Thr footsteps stop, but that only makes you more anxious. Is it a deer just as terrified as you? No, deer dont walk that heavily. You try to steady your breath as the shadow in front of you takes on the shape of a muscled man. But his head isnt right, its too long, his ears too pointy, too tall.
As the creature steps towards the center of the clearing, moonlight illuminates its hulking form. You think of running but are too slow. Already the creature has lifted its hands above its head, lifting one leg as if to pounce.
Before you can scream, the beast begins twirling. Its massive form moving with a grace you can only describe later as dainty. The creature does a pirouette, leaning its head back. The moon gives you a good view of its face, a grusome smile streached across its glistening fangs.
After a few more impressive moves, the beast bows towards you holding one claw out. It takes you a moment to understand before you lift your own hands up and attempt your own unskilled rendition of a ballerina.
When you finish the beast looks unpleased. Its mouth all the more terrifying now that it is pulled back into a snarl.
You turn to run but the creature grabs you, holding one hand while the other sits softly at your waist. You let out a suprised gasp, but the wolf wastes no time. The two of you begin to waltz around the small forest clearing. The creature makes a good dance partner, and soon you move together in time with eachother, your faces turned towards eachother in the moonlight.
You loose yourself in this moment. Before you cant think of how long it has been, the sun begins coloring the sky above you. You know your time is comming to an end but you dont want it to. As the moon dissappears over the horizon, your dance partner spins you one last time, letting go of your hand and disappearing before you can say goodbye. The night is over and while you lasted through it, you worry there will never be another like it.
FREDERICK ABBERLINE: Good sir, have you ever faced a live werewolf?
ME: «sighs wistfully» Yes…once.
I play a desert eagle to my mouth
Am I supposed to.be scared or…?
That can’t be legal. Where’s the ref?
I can hear the parry sound effect
Followed by
swoosh swoosh swoosh splat splat splat
then
Uuuughhhhaa
YOU DIED
I hope you remember to pack silver bullets…
You think you did, but it turns out the guy from the gun store is the werewolf. He laughs and says “Thanks Gary Larson!”
Oh, I’m sure at least one of us will be packing
Just bring a lawyer. No bloodshed.
Ah the eternal debate, vampires vs werewolves
I got that dawg in me UwU
• Against a robot
