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Back when we were a real civilization, we didn’t try to find matches by looking at someone’s photograph, we would have considered that creepy and stupid.
Why are so many people doing an act that is objectively creepy, stupid and most users hate the entire experience? I haven’t met a single fucking person who enjoys tinder or online matchmaking in general. None. Not men, not women.
GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE.
This is distorting all your perceptions of what “attractive” even means. Last schlub I saw whining about this was just a normal-ass dude like my neighbor who has a wife and kids.
Back when we were a real civilization, we didn’t try to find matches by looking at someone’s photograph, we would have considered that creepy and stupid.
My parents met by getting introduced to each other in what’s effectively an arranged marriage. Well, technically, it was not forced per se, but the village elders and/or their parents pressured it, they show photos, then they were pressured to agree to an arranged meeting, y’all talk to each other. The elders verify your 时辰八字 (some astrology stuff) to verify “compatibility”. Then if y’all like each other, the marriage happens. From what my mother told me, they could refuse, but then their parents / village elders just keep trying to find a new partner for you. Marriage is an expectation. 🤷♂️
This was like 1990’s, Guangdong Province, People’s Republic of China.
My parents are still trying to do arranged arranged marriage for my older brother (we live in the USA now) because my mother is afraid he wouldn’t find a spouse. He doesn’t seem to care about marriage either.
As for how my parents relationships are, I don’t think they really “love” each other, they kinda just put up with each other “for the kids”. When they do get in arguments, it can be quite terrifying, especially when I was still in K-12 school.
There’s like this expectation for you to get married early and have kids. (My older brother is many years older then me, and he’s is approaching 30 years old)
My reaction to this shit, is: I don’t wanna get married lol. I hate the idea of living with another human being. I never have any desires for romantic relationships. I wanna live and die alone. (And especially, fuck arranged marriages, ain’t doing that shit, rather be single than miserable. Not having one of the most important choices be dictated by parents.)
(Btw, I’m not even supposed to be born. My mother disobeyed the One Child Policy and gave birth to me)
I agreed with this until I started doing lots of “go outside” stuff and realized there was a bit of nuance. Decided pretty quickly that I’d keep the dating separate from sports/activities because I really enjoy them and things get weird if you treat it like a dating pool. Now I somehow have to work up the courage to talk to someone without a contrived activity bringing us together.
because people dont have social skills anymore. COVID really fucked a lot of people up, and when you see what happens to the people who even try to make an attempt, it really turns you off of doing anything, just ever in general. I dont have this problem cuz I kinda lucked out on social skills IRL, even if I suck at it online :p just celebrated my 3rd anniversary https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3rmrml1oNs
I say this to everyone out there, this is a “buy the dip” opportunity time for people on a social level. Go adopt a group of poorly-socialized peers and just reinvent socializing from the ground up. No rules, no enforcement, wanna play retro games and get high like teens? How about everyone goes to the horse races even though nobody knows how? Just go buy a couch together, decide who gets it after with a game of chance.
This is how movements are made. I’m not even kidding, there are TONS of people out there of all walks of life who just want someone to show them how to “social” and are scared of doing something strange and being embarrassed. Everyone is in this deeply isolated headspace hoping someone throws a rope and offers a way out.
Be a way out. Worst that happens is half of them flame out, you still end up with some people in your life you can talk to and hang out with. If you’re single, maybe you will hit it off with one of them or someone they know, but if not, who cares. It’s still better than being alone.
None of us get out of this alive.
Yup. Go out and invite people. You’ll be surprised at how many answer the metaphorical or literal call
I will state, well over half are likely to flame out without considerable effort. Hit rates aren’t that high
Wonder what percent were bots
I recommend homosexual dating.
I kind of agree with this. I have no interest in that preference but they do seem a lot more open and straightforward about their interest, than dating women
Of course they’re also more driven by appearance, so that advice about hitting the gym goes double
Yeah! Fuck women. If I could. Legally. If she agreed with. I gotta ask my wife first. She said no.
Yeah, the only times in my life I couldn’t quickly get gay-laid were when I went through difficult times that left me temporarily rizzless.
My homosexual dating looks a lot like OP’s. Truth be told, the gays want poly or nothing, and fun without commitment. 🤷♂️
If you only want to get laid it’s great but expect plenty of picky folks and beware of the STDs.
I just look in the mirror, saves a lot of time
Look in the mirror, swipe left.
You assume people are actually getting to see your profile. There are no stats of that available though.
I don’t know how good their algorithm is nowadays, but generally Tinder will show you profiles they think you’d want to match with, but ideally not get in a lasting relationship with. They want you to keep using the platform, not find true love.
If you get swiped left enough, Tinder won’t really show you to most people. That part of their algorithm definitely works, it’s easy. I’m not sure if they’ve yet found a way to quantify risk of lasting relationship.
My last experience (late 2022) is that if you’re a free user, they will never show your profile to someone you’ve swiped right for, nor show you any profile that has liked you, in order to force you to buy the premium and get to see who liked you
My last experience ended in mid 2023, but I definitely did not have that experience.
Occasionally I wouldn’t see the people that had swiped right on me, but usually I did. Free user.
The whole blurred “upgrade to see who liked you” thing was funny because once you ran into that profile, you’d immediately recognize the blur.
Fuck the Capitalist commodification of love.
Drop the dating apps & muster up the patience go do things & meet people irl instead.
I don’t think I’ve ever met someone organically and then dated them
Opposite for me. I’ve gone on plenty of first dates via apps, and a few second dates, but have only ever “dated” people that I happened to meet organically.
They say workplace relationships don’t work and they’re probably right, but the problem is that’s the only place you ever meet anyone these days.
meeting women is really easy if you’re friends with women. they always have single friends who they’d be happy to introduce you to. obviously don’t be friends with women just for this purpose though
Before you started working you meet people at school, well, take classes and meet people you don’t work with!
When you befriend the people at your workplace, you will also meet their friends.
That’s wishful thinking. I might be befriendable, but I’m not fit to introduce to people.
Have you tried shitpost dating?
Yeah I think that’s common, but it’s literally how we’ve been doing it since, well, forever.
Big Tech wants you to think it’s scAAaRRrry BooOoOOo!
(I mean, tbf, sometimes it is. Also humiliating lol).
I have! Once, in highschool, it went poorly
Honestly, I’m good. I never really used apps but I have had a lot of girlfriends through mutual friends and such. I’m just over it. I’m tired of romance and especially tired of sexuality. I just want to program computers.
Careful or you’ll get exactly what you’re asking for.
That’s the goal, man. I would be happy to never have sex again. I always felt like it was more for her benefit than mine anyway.
Yes, I understand. But it’s less about the sex & moreso the companionship. When you’re 58 years old hanging out by yourself day in/day out, you may wish you’d put more effort into developing relationships.
Maybe not, I’m just saying.
I have sufficient companionship. Plenty of true friends who know and love the real me. I’ve been more fortunate in this than most people could hope to be if I’m being honest. I really think that when you take sex out of the equation, most of modern dating is a feeble attempt to foster this type of relationship. People are afraid to reveal their true self and so they seek one person they feel safe enough to do so with, when you can actually have this relationship with everyone you’re close to if you’re brave enough.
I love being friends with women but I don’t love being romantically or sexually entwined with them. And I’m not attracted to men. So why pursue it? I socialize when I have the energy for it. In the rest of my free time, I want to write code.
Good to hear. I hope you continue having lots of fruitful relationships, you seem like a reflective person.
I actually think being physically intimate allows two people to become closer, unless they’re asexual, of course (sounds like you might be).
And I agree with you about shallow relationships but, imo, it’s dating apps that cause the problem, not sex.
Dating apps do not always allow relationships to blossom naturally. Tinder dates (or whatever) can feel more like job interviews. Real yucky stuff.
I agree that physical intimacy can make people become closer, but I’m not always sure that’s for the best. I think it’s better kept as something to enjoy after a deeper bond has already formed. Anyway, I’m not asexual but I am somewhere on that spectrum, not sure where though. Also yeah… when my friends tell me about their tinder dates I can’t believe how transactional and almost algorithmic their date sounds. It’s such a shame that it’s the norm now.
Fuck capitalism for sure, but the apps can still work. I know happily married couples who met on tinder. Not saying that it’s everyone’s experience, but still. The more avenues people are open to the better sometimes.
I met my wife on Tinder in 2015 ❤️ Met her on my second week.
We’re a happily married couple who met through OkCupid, back when that was decent!
Honestly, OKC back in its heyday was the place to be. So many of my friends made legitimate, genuine connections there. Devastating that they ended up being sold to match. OKC had plenty of people, but it was apparently the goto for all the nerds. A lot of them use meetup now, but there’s really nothing like what it was for nerd/nerd dating.
The problem is when it works it’s despite the algorithm not because of it. It’s probably easier for women, as there are more men on dating sites and there are women on dating sites.
We’ll have to make sure we’re not looking through rose tinted lenses here, you know what they say, the odds are good but the goods might murder you.
I really don’t think that’s an accurate assessment of the algorithm, but seeing as I am not privy to it, and I imagine you’re not either, I’m not really sure that’s a point worth discussing.
It’s certainly easier for women to get matches on tinder, but not really sure how that’s related. I didn’t specify the sex or sexual orientation of the couples I was referring to. And even for heterosexual couples, it does mean a man found a wife through tinder, so it being easier to get matches as a woman does not mean that men don’t get matches, it’s kinda a necessary step in the women getting matches thing.
Women do not want to be approached in public.
We’re better off regulating dating apps and predatory buisness practices, because people prefer to use apps.
Women are human individuals and not a single-minded monolith.
What women universally don’t want is to feel threatened, creeped out or objectified. It is perfectly possible to talk to someone without doing any of these. Though it gets a lot easier when you view them as humans.
Women as a whole want different things, and often don’t know what they want from moment to moment. In my experience, most women prefer to be approached in public under some circumstances, and what those circumstances are differs wildly from woman to woman.
women ought to have a signal that they are open to being approached, like a PvP flag or something
I missed the part where the person your responding to said in public?
Go to meetups, the climbing gym, run clubs, volunteering, language class, literally anywhere you meet people
I said elsewhere that writing a good profile is a skill many people have neither the aptitude nor training for, and thus fuck it all up.
Talking to strangers in public? Also a skill, and I’d say a much more difficult one with much higher stakes.
I’ve known charismatic sensitive people that can read a scene and chat up people. That’s an outlier. Most people are bad at all of that.
also, remember the “man or bear? Definitely the bear” thing from a while ago? Still a thing.
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When & who it is/is not appropriate to approach is a totally separate issue from what I’m talking about.
I think the problem has more to do with the expectations of meeting people via dating apps vs organically irl, especially through common interests/activities.
Also, let’s be real, regulating Capitalism does not work (look around).
Also, let’s be real, regulating Capitalism does not work (look around).
*looks around*
It seems to work fine around me. I peeked at your profile to confirm my assumption that you’re American, and it seems I’m correct. I’d say it’s partly a cultural issue in your country. The whole rugged individualism thing leads to a whole lot of anti-regulation sentiment. In my country even the ultraconservative “let’s throw the gays in the oven and deport all black people to Africa” party isn’t considering privatizing healthcare or education. The classical liberals are considering this, but this is where having a sane election system comes in. Since neither the conservatives nor the socdems agree, it’s pretty hard for them to enact anything even if they do win an election, because “winning” an election usually means like ~30-40% of parliament seats and the ruling coalition is always a minimum of 2 parties, often 3. Plus the president’s one and only power is that he can tell them to fuck off if a law seems unreasonable.
We currently have people from 6 parties in parliament, plus some people who were either thrown out of their party, or left it willingly.
We’re pretty good at making noise if we don’t like something, and while a lot of people complain about our MPs and ministers getting paid so much, it means they can live well enough without taking bribes. Party donations have limits that can get people into actual trouble if exceeded, and individual campaign donations aren’t a thing. Political corruption gets the party fined and potentially individuals punished too. Even in municipal government corruption cases. There was a case that took several years, where a businessman approached a politician in the same party as the capital city’s mayor, implying that if the mayor were to reduce certain legal costs on the department store his company was building, the party would receive a major donation - which it then did. The party got fined nearly 10x what they made from this deal, and two people received probationary sentences. This party, formerly a major player, can now barely afford their next election campaign. The company that owns the future department store has been fined more than once for not getting it done as fast as promised - because it’s in a prominent location along the promenade.
We have tons of consumer protection laws too. Plus a government entity for consumer protection so you don’t have to hire a lawyer and go to court to get your justice in a lot of cases. Similar for employment rights, etc. Fire someone without a paper trail to prove their incompetence or malice? You’ll be paying them a hefty severance.
There’s a big gap between what you’re describing and the USA. We pretty regularly see fines that are a fraction of what the crime earned, if it’s prosecuted at all. We also have an utterly insane far right wing party and a spineless right party.
We should break up match group. It’s not a whole ass monopoly, but it has such a big market share it doesn’t really need to compete much. So it offers garbage, makes a lot of money because there aren’t a lot of other like options (and people don’t realize the apps are all owned by Match)
There’s a big gap between what you’re describing and the USA. We pretty regularly see fines that are a fraction of what the crime earned, if it’s prosecuted at all. We also have an utterly insane far right wing party and a spineless right party.
Yeah, that’s my point. It’s not that capitalism can’t be regulated, it’s that the US can’t regulate capitalism sufficiently enough.
We should break up match group. It’s not a whole ass monopoly, but it has such a big market share it doesn’t really need to compete much. So it offers garbage, makes a lot of money because there aren’t a lot of other like options (and people don’t realize the apps are all owned by Match)
Agreed. So many monopolies out there that people barely realize are monopolies because a parent company owns a bunch of different “competing” brands rather than running everything under one brand name. Match Group is one of them.
Take a class.
Agreed that the capitalist commodification of love sucks, but also, who even does things IRL anymore? And if you do, success rate isn’t that great either, unless you abide by rules 1 and 2.
I’m no longer single, but when I was, there were two main activities I did outside of work. Gym - a place where it just feels wrong to approach women. And women never approached me. Bar - cozy local small community place where I had plenty of great conversations with a lot of people, many of whom were women, but most were in relationships already. Maybe it’s the same for women as it is for men, where in a relationship you’re more confident and thus have an easier time talking to strangers. Made some friends though.
When I was on Tinder, though, with my fairly mediocre appearance, I’d still get matches. Not every day, but at least a couple a month in even the slower periods and like half of them evolved into at least conversations (not a simple “hey” -> unmatch). Met some IRL. Both times I’ve been on Tinder, I eventually found someone there, though it was over a year in both cases (nearly 3 years second time). And both times the person I found was someone who’d pretty much just joined. I don’t live in what I’d call a big city though.
Nowadays, I also work from home with no office option (unless I rent one for myself), so even shitting where I eat is not an option if I become single. What DO people do in their free time where they meet new people, besides nightlife activities? I’m not interested in drinking 2-3 nights a week anymore lol
Hobbies, classes, sports teams, volunteering
If you want to meet women, take a pottery class, join a softball league, take knitting lessons, join a book club, volunteer at a local animal shelter, go to the library regularly, join a protest, join a running or biking group, or even look around on one of those meetup apps for activities in your area
Maybe your problem was that you only went to your gym and your bar, instead of trying to meet new people? The point is, it’s easy to get stuck into a routine, and swiping on Tinder often becomes part of the routine
Maybe your problem was that you only went to your gym and your bar, instead of trying to meet new people?
I guess I wasn’t super actively trying to meet new people, I was focusing more on my career. Most of those activities unfortunately sound boring to me. Biking group sounds nice. In fact, the only two ways I can do cardio is with a podcast or with other people. Otherwise I go flat out because to my ADHD mind, the end goal of all movement is to get to your destination ASAP. Book club sounds like a great way to get some accountability for my total lack of a reading habit these past few years, so I might look into that as well. There apparently is at least one in my city. As a kid I’d read several books a week, now it’s several years per book :(
Isn’t great? Eh I’m 1 for 1 and I most certainly do not follow rule one or two. Just talked and made it work with a friend of a friend
Hell yeah!
I think I’ve had like two dates from in-person meets, and if I put effort (without paying) into it I can get like 1-3 dates a week on the apps. I’m not a model or other outlier.
I live in an urban area and put effort into writing messages. The bar for men is really low.
All of that said, fuck the capitalist hellscape.
Quality over quantity, bruv.
I don’t think that’s really applicable here.
Every date is a roll of the dice and you’re hoping for that Yahtzee. Or at least a four of a kind. If you’re making four rolls a week you’re probably going to find it faster than one a month.
You’re also don’t have unlimited time. You probably don’t want to find your first big love when you’re 70, when you could instead find one at 30.
And to be clear, I wouldn’t recommend going on a date with just anyone with a pulse. Check your deal breakers and shared interests first.
Of course, you could do app-dates and from-real-life dates at the same time.
This also assumes you, like me, have boundless energy for dates. I know people that are exhausted just leaving their house once.
hey i like your overall points but i need to point out that it’s SO much more than “rolling the dice”. i do agree that quality over quantity is more important when dating. and that means not just “how good are they” but really “what kind of person are they?”
you may have 3 dates a week via apps, but they’re all with people who use dating apps, in a dating app context. not trying to put anyone down, but it’s just different than meeting a friend of a friend at game night or something. so to use your dice metaphor, it’s more like praying for a nat 20 while rolling d6s.
It’s more like “friend of a friend” is a +2 circumstance bonus, and you’re rolling 1d20 + Investigation vs DC 17. It helps, but it’s pretty small. You can stack bonuses on your profile (eg: Good Pictures +3, Good Profile Text +2) to get a similar effect.
Also a lot of my friends’ friends aren’t people I’d want to date.
There are so many people using dating apps in 2025, it’s not a big filter. If this was 1997, then “meeting people online” would in fact be a very small slice of the population.
This is so weird to me. I’ve only ever dated people I was friends with first.
When I was younger I sometimes tried to go out with people I was friends with first. The rejections were worse. I’d still have to see her all the time at social events.
There was also a lot more “oh! She’s cool! Shit. She’s seeing someone. And doesn’t date men.”
The apps let you filter for a lot of stuff right up front. Don’t have to waste time pining after people that aren’t available.
Someone from the app says no or doesn’t click? Back into the aether they go, never to bother me again.
To each their own, if it’s working for you, but there are a lot of things dating apps can do better. Capitalism just shits up the place, as usual.
Tinder is a hellhole intentionally designed to keep people lonely and depressed so they’ll pay up for the “gold” features. The gender split is well past 80/20 male/female so good luck with straight matches, and the number of bots they leave up to waste your swipes is incredibly high, so even that ratio is probably worse.
I’m pan and I can’t even match with a guy lolol :(
Few years back I was on 5 dating sites, knocked it out the park on three of them. Got maybe 2 dates from Tinder and 1 from eHarmony (who I married!) Tinder was the first one I dropped, but they somehow fucked me out of an extra month or two.
Hinge worked for me. There was no pressure of “writing the perfect bio” - just pick 3 interesting questions that are insightful into who you are and you’re off to the races.
Isn’t eHarmony a Christian dating site? I’ve heard people get bounced with no matches immediately based on some religious questions.
Don’t think so. I put myself as “atheist” or “non-believer”, whatever the option was. My wife was a preschool teacher at a private Christian place.
well, it’s a religious site, so maybe try lying like most people do
Is there a dating site for followers of Baphomet?
Besides lemmy.
Weirdly appropriate username lol
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This is how you find out your profile’s bad.
I don’t know how applicable this is to this persons specifically, but here’s some general advice from someone who’s been on both sides (I’m trans), and got a high amount of matches either way.
Every woman I’ve spoken to about Tinder agrees :
-
Men overwhelmingly have profiles with little to no info in their bio (most often copy-pasted jokes, extremely generic facts like “I like food and music”…)
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And poorly taken and/or cringe photos (posing with their car, half drunk with half a dozen other people, making a weird face, showing off nonexistent gains…)
If you want more matches, you need good pictures (not blurry, not from far away, not backlit) that stand out from the rest (especially, no one cares about your car. An expensive car is a huge douchebag redflag), and a bio that actually says something about your hobbies, world view, etc.
So, in summary, two steps :
- Actually be an interesting person (probably already true, but hard to fix if not)
- Communicate that properly (easier than you think, see above)
Counterpoint: tried the above to make a “good” profile, and also a “basic” profile literally generated from AI as a control.
The basic AI generated profile full of cliches and revealed nothing about me consistently got more attention.
Research has shown that most people overwhelmingly prefer “average” people, so if your goal is just maximising the number of matches then an “interesting” profile is actually worse.
It’s been a minute, but it was an automatic “no” when someone would answer “what are 5 things you can’t live without” were stuff like food, water, and air. Yes, I know that. Tell me about yourself!
It was almost always men that answered that way.
I know I’m incredibly dull. I’m average looking. I was a single parent. A decent picture and a little about myself and I did alright though, even with the ladies.
I have bad news: lots of non-men also post useless stuff like “I can’t live without water lol” or “what are you looking for: my keys lmfao”
Having a good profile is a skill, probably related to marketing, and some people have neither natural aptitude nor training in it.
Sure, people of every gender do it. I was, at the time, not filtering by gender. I noticed that the useless answers were usually from men.
It doesn’t mean that men are inherently bad at it (some men had great profiles), but as a whole they presented themselves poorly compared to everyone else.
I believe you. I wonder if anyone’s done studies on this to verify it’s true, how true it is, and maybe figure out why it’s true.
Not having the natural aptitude or training is a reasonable excuse to not having a good profile, but if you come to conclude that is why you don’t have any matches you’re not totally helpless. You can at least try and improve it. There is plenty of good suggestions in this thread alone.
One of the problems I think is there aren’t good feedback mechanisms. If you have a bad profile, probably no one is going to tell you.
Well, some of the apps do have tutorials that try to help. I think Hinge even crammed an AI tool into the profile writing section. Maybe that helps some people. I think a lot of people just don’t understand the assignent, and think their personality and charm will shine through even when it’s not shown at all. Those people probably won’t use the tools or take feedback.
I skip on a lot of blank or bad profiles, and wonder if those people think they’re ugly or being screwed by the algorithm or whatever. I don’t have a way to be like “you’re not giving me anything to work with, and frankly this sole impression you’re giving me reads as lazy and uninteresting”
“I like tacos! 🌮🌮🌮”
“ACKtually, there are certain molecules and bio-organisms you can’t live without and-- Hey, where are you going!?”
-
In 2014 I tried an experiment. I let my profile run for two months. First couple of weeks I used a standard headshot type picture. Nothing. Then I switched to a picture of me playing the guitar. A couple of hits. Finally I switched to a picture of me wearing headphones and fiddling with my old sequencer. Tons of hits.
If you can’t hit them with good looks (I’m not handsome) then at least use an interesting photo that tells a story and showcases an unusual or unique thing about you in a positive light.
Bingo! Can’t remember the pics I used, but I went for several different looks so women would know what they were getting into, not just my very best. That comes across honest, because it is.
Aimed for pics of me doing interesting and active things like kayaking and cooking and such. No dead animals, hot rods, motorcycles, bros, etc. No stereotypical manly bullshit.
Also, inject some humor. Like an old friend told me about sales, “If they’re laughing, they’re buying.” On one post I ended with, “And as god as my witness, I hate NASCAR.” Ended up married to a huge NASCAR fan.
Pro tip for the guys: Setup an account as a woman looking for a man. Take an afternoon and dig around. See what the other guys are doing? Do not do that shit.
There’s an adorable phone game called “Tender” where you go on dates with various aliens via a Tinder-like app. That game did a good job showcasing different styles of profile and profile pic–highly recommend. Also, fun.
My wife still remembers one of the profile pics I had - I was goofing around wearing a super-sized cereal box on my head.
Had that one, a “normal” shot that was my profile picture, and some casual shot I don’t remember now. Put that one up on my sister’s advice, and that’s the one that still stands out in my wife’s mind!
I swear humans use confidence and humor the same way peacocks use tails. If you’re comfortable being silly, it says a lot about where you’re at socially.
I don’t recommend really setting up a fake profile, since that kind of selfishly pees in the pool.
Talk to your women friends. Ask them to show you what they’re seeing and what they dislike.
(If you don’t have any women friends, that’s kind of a red flag you should give some thinking on)
Along those lines, ask dates what they’ve experienced. You’ll get some wild conversation starters!
And BTW, I cancelled the one account I made to experiment with.
He must be doing something drastically wrong for not even the ThotBots to be matching with him.
the ThotBots
Are those the matches that only want to talk about World of Warcraft?
You say that like it’s a bad thing
“Hey cutie! Can you tell me where I can find Mankrik’s Wife?”
I don’t even know how his name is properly spelled anymore
Oh fuck, all day in the barrens chat
Shutup and take my virginity
I’ve gotten plenty of matches; but that’s as far as I’ve ever gotten with Tinder. Nobody has ever messaged me or replied to my messages once we match. :/
I’m not on tinder, so I can’t match you. But I replied to your message! #solidarity
I’ve not used tinder, but I’ve heard good results from people consulting the tinder sub for help with their profile. Also, your first message is pretty important. I’m probably not telling you anything new, but “hey” is only going to get you a response if you’re a Hemsworth brother.
Ask a question that indicates you actually read their profile, and not just, “So you like walking on the beach, huh?”
Instead, “What beaches are you hitting? Ever been to Gulf Island National Seashore in Gulf Breeze? There are also a few miles of trails on the other side of the highway!”
Hi! I think you might’ve replied to the wrong person. It’s good advice, but I’m not on tinder. I’m in a monogamous long term relationship, so that advice might be more useful for the commenter above me than for me.
I’ve never been a big fan of Tinder. It’s too hard to figure out who is a real person with the minimal profile info provided. I think you’re generally better off with an app that requires(or at least allows) more effort to create a profile, and/or something a bit more focused than just hookups.
OKCupid and Feeld are the apps that work best for me. Feeld is more for kinky and/or poly people, so it narrows down the playing field a lot. I think that makes things way easier. Of my current partners, one was on OKC and the other was on Feeld.
Feeld is full of late 40s-50s cucks, swingers and unicorn hunters in my neck of the woods :/ that would be fine if that’s what I was looking for but Im not. Even the “no couples” filter doesn’t stop them. They just make a single account and put that they’re a couple in the description. The only attention I’ve gotten on feeld was from DL older men that want to cheat on their wives and middle aged couples looking for a younger “bull”. Like damn, I just wanna cuddle and go on fun dates, whys it gotta be all about the most smarmy, objectifying and maladapted forms of sex over here???
full of bots
It’s almost as though this labyrinth has been designed to extract subscriptions from desparate men and women, and actually has no intention of delivering the promised service.
Why do you all keep saying this?! I’m not subscribing until I check the place out, and if I do, I’m not paying for the foo foo add-ons. If idiots want to buy virtual flowers, that’s on them. I can tell you, the women don’t give a fuck.
Every site has this in common; You post pics and text, and so does everyone else. That’s enough to spark interest and get dates. FFS, it’s not like they’re deliberately sending you posts of people you’ll dislike and somehow hiding all the good ones behind a paywall.
I keep thinking this is a “sour grapes” thing. Went there, tried that, failed, must be a scam. As I said in another post, go look at the posts from men, buncha sad sacks, boring as hell. Try not posting like them.
Tell me you don’t know about the concept of PTW without knowing about the concept of PTW.
One time, I used Tinder. I’m pan, so I chose men, women, or any other form of identity. My Asian friend is honestly a 10/10. I’m white, and I’d rate myself a 7. I’d match with EVERY single man. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. He got NO ONE. My main point is, it’s a bunch older men who want to fuck a white twink. I don’t know why that app has drawn that demographic, but they have. All that being said, using Grindr to just “hang out”, with people was way nicer. Sorry if you’re not a half gay, sloppy toppy. That’s just my anecdotal experience.
Quick question, I’m also pan and only now beginning to explore my sexuality. I’ve avoided setting up a Grindr account because I always thought it was just a hookup app and I’m not particularly interested in casual sex. Do people actually date on there or is it’s reputation well earned? Haven’t had any luck with the fellas on tinder, hinge, or bumble. Maybe I just look too straight lol
It’s a lot more forward. Just tell people what you want up front. If you want to hook up, you want to hook up. Sometimes, you just want to be in the presence of a queer friend. Sometimes, that friendship turns into a 10-year relationship. Just be honest and safe. That’s how I met my partner. All that being said, that was a long time ago for me. So things may have changed.
Grindr is a cesspool, but I have made some quality matches. Some just-friends connections and yes hookups. Grindr is basically designed for that.
But if you have a stand out profile that shows you as an active person with real interests (not just a fit torso, good god people, branch out!), other substantive people will be open to talking real connections.
And hookups can be sad, gross affairs for sure. But not every short-term relationship has to be meaningless. It’s okay to agree to just play and enjoy the experience as a future treasured memory.
For that more human kind of connection, however, Feeld is more likely to yield that in my experience.
Oh yeah, no hate to hookups and short term relationships at all, just not really my cup of tea. I’m not even completely against it for myself but that’s something I would rather have happen organically than seek it out if that makes sense. I’m all about emotional connection before physical haha
Depends on where you live. If you’re in a rural mostly white area you’ll get less matches as an ethnic person because people don’t even consider other races.
I lived in LA, lmao
Interesting. I’m half Asian. Probably a solid 7 or 8 as well and I get lots of matches. That said I’m a dom top and I think this hits a particular fetish a lot have and we’re rarer than Asian twink bottoms.
Good! I want to be wrong.
Oof, that sucks. It also took me a month of almost daily swiping to get a single match. Obviously nowhere close to your numbers but definitely discouraging. It’s crazy how big the difference is between the male and female experience on Tinder. My girlfriend told me that basically every guy she swiped like on turned into a match while I was struggling to even get one…
